“First you chemistry, then you chemiscry, and then you chemisfail.”

“7 TRANSFER MEALS A WEEK IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.”

“I can’t feel my face when I’m outside. I don’t love it. No I don’t love it. Ohhh.”

“I feel more unloved than a flight of stairs next to an escalator.”

“If you’re a teacher and make the class introduce themselves one by one to the entire room, chances are I don’t like you already.”

“What do you mean I can’t major in being a Pokemon master?”

“Joe Biden recently spoke about his decision to not run for president. ‘I regret it every day,’ said the VP in a statement written in crayon.”

“Remember how in grade school we all hated assigned seats… But now we give them to ourselves.”

“Distractions. Distractions everywhere.”

“I wish my GPA was more like me on an attractiveness scale… A solid 4.”