By JARED PURCELL

You/Local Editor

Detroit’s Fourth of July fireworks show is heralded as one of the greatest in America and has also been promoted as the largest.

This year, however, I thought the Freedom Festival fireworks show in Detroit was canceled because it was scheduled too close to a random fireworks show held on June 23 over the Detroit River.

As it turns out, the Fourth of July fireworks celebration actually was the June 23 Freedom Festival show — just 11 days before the holiday.

I found myself trying to figure out what we were supposed to be celebrating on June 23. Was it a happy third day of summer celebration? Maybe a happy birthday celebration for singer KT Tunstall? Ah, it must have been a birthday celebration for former Detroit Lions’ fullback Cory Schlesinger.

Honestly, do you expect me to think it’s acceptable to celebrate the most glorified day in our nation’s history almost two weeks early? Did Detroit make other plans? Did Kwame push the show date back because it was originally scheduled the night of one of his wild mansion parties?

The fireworks show in Detroit is often held earlier than other shows because we also celebrate Canada Day (July 1) for those watching in Windsor. But all Canadians could say when they saw the explosions happening over the Detroit River was “eh?”

Detroit is acting like the ignorant husband that can’t remember an anniversary.

Still, the aspiring pyrotechnic in me enjoyed the fireworks. In fact, I jumped in the car and purchased some simple fireworks at the nearest fireworks stand. The only problem was that none of the stands were up yet!

To make matters a little more perplexing, the cities of Southfield and Oak Park held

fireworks on the same night as the Detroit show. I could hear the Southfield and Oak Park fireworks from my house. Yet, when I heard the loud booming of the fireworks, I mistakenly thought it to be thunder. Who can blame me? It was June 23!

It’s bad enough that Christmas music floods the radio airwaves the day after Halloween. By the time Christmas rolls around, I’m ready to punch the nearest caroler in the mouth. Are we all just going to stand around and allow the same to happen to the Fourth?

Fine. If people can celebrate Christmas and the Fourth of July whenever they feel like it, I’m going trick-or-treating on Labor Day. When Mother’s Day rolls around, I’ll go ahead and celebrate Father’s Day too. I’m going to hand out valentines on Halloween.

Come Christmas season, I’m going to open my presents 11 days early. Of course, I’ll have to request that Santa makes his trip even early because, if he doesn’t, by the time he arrives he’ll be eating some stale cookies and washing them down with warm, lumpy milk.

Or, better yet, I’m going to the bars 11 days before I turn 21. Take that America!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I can put up my Christmas lights before Thanksgiving.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to a Christmas in July Halloween costume party. I’m going as the Easter Bunny.