The last Mouthing Off

By Chris Peralta

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Great Odin’s raven! Another academic year is at its end. How did that happen? Wasn’t I just

preparing for the rapture, the end of the Mayan calendar, Valentine’s Day?

Side note: if any of you bought a calendar for your Mayan friends this past Christmas, kudos.

Who has still kept their New Year’s resolution? I have.

I, Christopher William Peralta, will not set myself on fire throughout the year of 2013.

Okay, back to discussing the end of this semester. I’m in a glass case of emotion because I’ve

finally been hit by the daunting realization that after this semester officially ends, I only have

one more semester of college left. And I’ll be an adult.

It’s sad. I remember my first day of college like it was yesterday. I walked into South Foundation

Hall fifteen pounds lighter on a cold September day in 2009, only to go back home and not have

class for another week due to the teacher’s strike.

Best first day ever.

I’m relatively certain that my fellow seniors are reminiscing about their first day here at

Oakland. Or maybe they’re not. They could be eager to run out of the door with their degree,

take it to dinner and never call it again after they get a grown-up job.

Don’t worry, I don’t understand myself either.

In all seriousness, I and the rest of the Post wish our graduates the best of luck with their future

endeavors.

To the rest of you, I hope that you’ll make your stay here a memorable one. But more

importantly, since I won’t be taking classes in the summer, I want you to surprise me when I

return in September.

The first thing that I want isn’t a football team. I want one of those to form (if one ever does)

after I graduate. Right now, the tuition rates are at a tolerable level. With a football team, and

all of the expenses that go along with a football team, the rates will go through the roof and run

straight into the moon. No, the first thing that I want from you is a gigantic LARPing population.

Don’t tell me that a group of 100+ people attacking each other in front of Kresge wouldn’t be

entertaining. Personally, I just want to stab a knight with a cardboard sword when I’m on my

way to the Rec center. I could even shout “Get REC’d” while I’m doing it. Perhaps I’d even settle

for a cardboard trident. Perhaps.

I also want the summer students to develop an Oakland University party-life before the fall

semester. Stop laughing, I’m being serious. Let’s get that going, huh? Let’s rival Central and

Michigan State. Let’s start a revolution. Let’s go hog-wild.

But if you all fail me and if there isn’t a LARPing population or an Oakland party-life in the fall, I’ll

be okay because I probably wouldn’t participate in either of those things.

You see, I’ll be far too busy being a fake model, and I’ll be beating “Bioshock” for the umpteenth

time.

Now would you kindly draw me like one of your French girls?

Until the fall, you stay classy, Oakland University.