Who would you vote for? The top 10 written-in choices for OUSC elections

By Dylan Dulberg

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As you all know by now, last week was the OUSC elections. For President/Vice President, you had three options to choose from — the two pairs of candidates, and then the magical “write-in” option.

You see, if you’re anything like me, (super immature) you’re the kind of person who would much prefer to see a slow-motion video of Nicolas Cage punching the lead singer of Nickelback over watching a sepia-toned Mitt Romney ad. (I would just like to point out that both of those exist, though one of them is animated.)

In other words, you are not a fan of faux-seriousness, but rather of childish joking around. So, you will enjoy this list of the top ten possible write-in candidates.

10. The Dog Whisperer and Dawg the Bounty Hunter – My hope would be that they would be endorsed by Snoop Dogg, who could film the sequel to his movie here. (He made a movie. With Whiz Khalifa. It’s called “Mack and Devin Go To High School”. If you aren’t already looking for it on Netflix, you disgust me.)

9. M. Night Shaymalan and … M. Night Shaymalan! Bet you didn’t see that plot twist coming, did ya? (I’m so clever.)

8. Vince the Slap Chop guy and Chris Brown. “You having problems with Scantrons? Slap, chop, b’yah, and you’re all s… —whoa whoa Chris! That’s not what I meant!”

7. Ed, Edd, and Eddy – If you aren’t humming/singing/whistling the theme song to that show, you failed childhood.

6. Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg – It’s my Grizz in a box!

5. Ex-Representative Anthony Weiner and Speaker of the House John Boehner. Weiner/Boehner 2013! Teehee.

4. Verne Troyer and Yao Ming. Are you picturing this? It’s like a toddler riding a T-REx.

3. Dennis Haysbert (The deep-voiced guy from the Allstate commercials), and Gilbert Gottfried. It’s like playing the lowest and highest key on a piano, at the same time.

2. David Bowie and Mick Jagger, provided they performed a complete re-enactment of their “Dancing in the Streets” music video at least once every single day.

1. Nicolas Cage and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Cage never turns down a job offer, and Arnie could probably use one.