By ALEX CHERUP

Mouthing Off Editor

It’s April 2008 and it’s last call for Oakland University’s winter semester. As it frantically looks for someone to go home with, let’s honor those seniors who will no longer experience the palpably alive walls and pathways of the native Golden Grizzly.

I have taken the liberty of composing a send-off to those who will never read another issue of The Oakland Post again.

The past ______ years (add whatever numeral fits) have been an intense, yet fulfilling portion of our lives.

As at any university, we soon-to-be graduates have been exposed to a wonderful environment where we can exist as philosopher kings (Journalism majors, ignore the previous line).

We have been given free reign to learn about our world and how we, as adults, can be a productive part of it.

However, OU has done so much more than teach us how to interact with the world.

We should not only thank the university for what it has taught us academically, but also for the valuable lessons that carry over to important parts of life.

For instance, after four years at OU, students should be thankful for now being able to hike across the Northwest Territory. Because of Parking Lot ___ (I can’t remember the name of the lot across from Buddy’s Pizza), I have been given the tools to survive long-distance foot travel in below-freezing temperatures.

No wonder tuition was raised. Everyone unintentionally was given an extra four-credit course, “The Basics of F— Michigan Weather.”

Where else can you start your day off like a page in one of those “Worst-Case Scenario” books?

And OU deserves a good pat on the back for the parking situation on campus.

The time spent cruising for a parking space gave me a few minutes to listen to WXOU. Just yesterday, while parking, I heard my favorite Lou Reed song. I think it was Lou Reed, he sounds different with nonstop static.

I distinctly heard “zzzzzzzzwildzzzzside.”

The parking situation has also given me fodder for a quick retort to my parents’ complaining.

I now say “Yeah, well not only do I have to walk two miles to school, but that’s after 15 minutes finding a parking space, uphill and both ways, of course.”

After I graduate, I may even have some parking lot stalker follow two inches behind me when I walk out to my car.

I’ll miss that feeling of being violated as I go to my vehicle.

Also, thank you, Oakland University, for teaching me that just because someone is looking with glazed eyes at a computer screen does not mean he is a porn addict.

Unless someone is getting pleasure from loading, loading, loading … I have learned the person is just waiting for an e-mail to be deleted and fighting off 2008’s most deadly computer virus: “Oakland University Webmail.”

This semester’s “War with Webmail” has taught me a new meaning to “stay the course.”

Now, with the new Gmail account, I hope the midterm paper I sent in January will make it to my professor. I keep assuring him it’s in the mail.

In fact, recent statistics show that Oakland University students, on average, spend 25 percent of their time parking and 25 percent waiting in front of the computer.

I also have learned the best way to increase attendance to an event is to provide free sandwich wraps, chips and lemonade.

It might add two or three more people to the eight already present.

Thank you also for educating me in the art of purchasing books. Before becoming a Grizzly, I never knew that $159.99 is an acceptable price for “Introduction to Child Psychology.”

Not only has it helped me to understand the norms of the textbook trade, but it has also shown me that child psychology is an amazing field.

It even involves toilet training.

Thanks to the OU bookstore, I now know the guy from the commercial with the question marks on his suits is really not a scam.

Really, $39.95 for a book that tells you how to get things for free is a bargain.

So, I will miss my time here at OU. I’d recommend it to anyone.

Ultimately, OU is completely about higher education … except during the 50 percent of the time that it’s focusing on waiting.

And even during that waiting time, we are learning.

Thank you, Oakland University.