By Jared Purcell

You/Local Editor

‘Twas the morning after Halloween, when all through the house

Not a goblin was stirring, not even at a haunted house.

The jack-o-lanterns sat on the porch, all carved with care

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there — wait, what?

You’ve heard it all before. The day after Halloween, Christmas takes over. Nov. 1 brings Christmas music to the airwaves, TV and radio commercials start talking about the Christmas rush.

Even a holiday such as Christmas can get over hyped. By the time Christmas comes around I’m vomiting from a Yuletide overdose.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. I just love celebrating it during the right time of year — which is not in the middle of fall.

So in honor of the commercial sideshow that Christmas is swiftly becoming, I continue my poem:

I was nestled all snug in my bed

And visions of candy corn danced through my head

When out of my clock radio arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed and noticed that all of the candy made me a bit fatter.

Away from my bed, I went to turn off my alarm with a bash

When suddenly I heard Christmas music and it gave me a case of whiplash

I looked out my window and saw no snow,

Just colored autumn leaves that had fallen below.

When to what my wondering ears should hear,

A radio commercial says “Christmas would soon be here.”

With a little caution, I could not help but be skeptic

Christmas already? Don’t make me sick.

Yet, more rapid than eagles the Christmas messages came,

They sang and shouted, advertising their company’s name.

“Now, Target! Now, Hallmark! Now Meijer and Walmart!

On, Sears! On JCPenney! On, Kohls and K-Mart!”

I ran to the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Go away! It’s not Christmas, it’s fall!

As I sat and pondered I asked myself “why?”

I felt a bit of holiday cheer in me wither and die.

So out of the house I let my mind mull and stew

What will happen to Thanksgiving and Hannukah too?

And then, lost in thought, I went to the mall

I needed to clear my mind, be among the urban sprawl.

As I walked through the stores, and was turning around,

Sitting in a chair was St. Nicholas, and I fell over in a bound.

He was dressed in all fake fur from his head to his foot,

And a fake beard and his smile, my brain went kaput.

To see Santa at such a time drew me aback,

Did I miss Thanksgiving? I nearly had a heart attack.

The atmosphere around me was supposed to be merry

Yet deep down it all seemed unreal and scary.

I ran home with my stomach in knots like a bow,

And my mother gave me tickets to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular show!

As I hid my feelings and grind my teeth,

I looked across the street to see a Christmas wreath.

As I tried to calm the sick feeling in my belly,

The thought of Christmas after Halloween is like having no peanut butter and a bowl full of jelly.

A tear in my eye and a smack to my head

I think this early Christmas hype will kill the holiday dead.

I spoke not a word and went straight to work,

And I wrote this poem, trying not to sound like too much of a jerk.

Whoever thought that Christmas should start this early must walk with their finger in their nose.

Christmas has taken over this time of year, and it really shows.

Now as I walk around and find a tune to whistle,

Jingle Bells comes to mind and I want to blow up myself with a missile.

So here I exclaim, ere I explode out of sight:

“Christmas now owns you all, and to all a good night.”