By Mike Sandula

Guest Columnist

You’ve probably seen them before.

It was one of those late nights that you could have gone to bed, but you decided to fight sleep for no real reason other than to watch some more TV. Maybe a good rerun or an enticing made-for-TV movie was on. Or perhaps you were mindlessly surfing through channels, content with the waves hitting you, unwilling to shut them off.  

Then it appeared.  

They looked harmless; after all, they were made of fleece. The people wearing them seemed nice too, even if they were cheesier than the cast from “Full House.”

But the combination of a blanket and a bathrobe just didn’t add up.  

The family looked too happy, too sure they looked cool, like when someone tries to impersonate an actor or a comedian and think they’re doing it spot on, but you know it’s nowhere close.  

Then the scene transferred to a sporting event, and those same people were showing them off there, too.

What is this preposterous product I speak of?  It’s called a Snuggie.  

That’s right. Snuggie. Take a minute, and maybe some paper towel, and try your best to absorb that.  

For those who haven’t seen the commercial, Snuggies are … well, they’re blankets with sleeves.

Apparently lots of people have spent years walking around, wrapped up in blankets, their arms feeling trapped, wondering, “If only there was some way my hands could be free while my body remains warm.”

That was the idea behind clothes; only, most clothes don’t resemble a bedspread.

If you’re like me, you laughed it off, thinking surely no one would buy a product with a name too lame for even a teddy bear. So you can imagine how crazy I went when I found out that these things have become a national craze.

Four million of them have been sold — and they’ve only been out since August.  That averages out to over 22,000 a day.  

To put that in perspective, Oakland University’s student body, as of fall 2007, totaled just over 18,000. Imagine everyone on campus, plus a few extra thousand in the surrounding area, wearing one. A literal sea of blanket-shirts.  

It’s only a matter of time before that sea becomes an ocean. To avoid drowning in said ocean, here’s what to look out for: a line of suitable-for-public Snuggies coupled with more cheesy advertising:

The Beach Snuggie. Protects you from the sun’s harmful rays and turns into a beach towel. The addition of a large pouch capable of holding Frisbees, magazines and your favorite sandwich make this a shoreside must.

The Golf Snuggie. Complete with tee holsters and a built-in ball bag, this Snuggie serves as a comfy caddy out on the course.

The Corporate Snuggie. The single-breasted pocket is perfect for storing your BlackBerry and lends a classy touch while allowing you to add some warmth to your business meetings.

Product placements in popular sitcoms: I hate to admit it, but sadly, I can picture Michael Scott of “The Office” in a Corporate Snuggie.

A children’s show with a cartoon Snuggie: sounds innocent enough, but I think Snuggies could be frightening for children — well, anyone really — because it’d be easy to pretend to be a blanket, only to attack people.

Imagine this scenario: 6-year-old Caitlyn goes to bed one night, thinking it’s a night like any other, when her blanket, which she thought was a source of comfort and relaxation, betrays her. It turns out to be a Snuggie-wearing kidnapper. The sleeves allow for a sneak attack, making the incident all the more horrifying.

So in order to avoid becoming a fleece-clad nation that runs around scaring children, I think we should let clothes remain clothes and leave the blankets in bed.