Dan Simons

A university must convey to people that it is a place of higher learning, cultural diversity, athletic excellence and breakthrough innovations. To attract new students and professors, to make more money and to gain more respect, it must be known that a university is at the top of the charts.

Oakland University makes it known that we are on the value menu.

“You Can Afford This” is OU’s new slogan, reminding everyone that the economy sucks, but it’s still perfectly OK to drop several grand on an education.

Somewhere, somehow, there was someone in an advertising meeting who thought it was an excellent idea to skip over all the important academic qualities of Oakland University and tell people, despite rising tuition costs, that Oakland is the Walmart of Michigan universities. Always low prices, always Oakland.

What’s worse is that someone at Oakland bought the idea, and it’s now on the school’s homepage.

Pride like no other

“The slogan makes Oakland University look cheap, not affordable,” said Rob Folkerts, a sophomore majoring in information technology. “It makes people who don’t have any knowledge of the school to see it more as a glorified community college than a university.”

Recently transferred from Baker College in Flint, Folkerts knows a thing or two about glorified community colleges.

Folkerts did what any other concerned college student would do. He made a Facebook group about it: “‘You Can Afford This’ = WORST SLOGAN EVER”

The group is over 50 students strong, because many other students feel the same.

“Every time I bitch about tuition, the cost of books, financial aid, and student loans, my brother always responds with, ‘But dude, you can afford this,'” said Curtiss Gulash, a senior majoring in communication.

“I think the worst part about ‘You can afford this’ is that nowhere on the billboard does it mention academics or the hundreds of degree programs that OU offers,” Gulash added.

The competition prevails

Compared to other school slogans in Michigan, OU is the only one that goes for the wallet instead of the brain. Others include “Aim Higher” from Wayne, Eastern’s “Education First,” “Grab The Reins” from Western and “Advancing Knowledge. Transforming Lives” from Michigan State.

For OU to follow suit, the slogan would have to be brief and communicate our strongest point.

“Not CMU,” perhaps?

The slogan could be worse, however.

Nike’s famous “Just Do It” is now just an odd hybrid of peer pressure and sexual innuendo.

And Budweiser’s new slogan for Bud Light is “The Difference is Drinkability,” which is a thinly veiled marketing campaign to say “It lacks any flavor so it’s easy to chug and get trashed on, bro.”

Many billboards still feature the older slogan “See What The Excitement Is About,” along with the top half of a grizzly bear face, who is either bloodthirsty and ready to lunge at you or is intently reading a book.

Pining for the past

Another student, who works for the school and wishes to remain anonymous, said “I liked the ‘Welcome to Grizzly country.’ I thought that was a bad-ass slogan to see while driving on 75. Something that excites you when you see it.”

The new slogan degrades the school. Do we really want websites, billboards, commercials and pamphlets to declare “Who cares about all that knowledge stuff, as long as it’s cheap.” Sure, we’re no Harvard, but it doesn’t mean we have to lower ourselves to the same recruiting tactics of a community college. (No offense to our friends at Oakland Community College – Go Raiders!)

Can OU really afford “You can afford this?” No. Can we come up with a better slogan?

Yes, we can.

Oh hey, that last line is good, someone should use that.

Here are a few alternative slogans for OU’s communications and marketing “experts” to consider:

You can afford this a little less each year

You can afford this, but I hope you like debt

Oakland University: Who needs football? We have disc golf… eventually.

Your parents can afford this, they’re loaded

Oakland University: We don’t mind that we’re your “safety school”

Financial emergency? Suddenly you can afford this

Oakland University: An Affordable Alternative to the Military

OMG, M.D.’s @ OU. WTF?

Enroll at Oakland. We totally almost made it into the NCAA tournament!

Oakland University: A pretty decent fall-back school since 1957.

Oakland University. (Yes, we really are a university )

Oakland University: The check cleared, you’re here.

OU. Check Online!

Go to OU, because Macomb still doesn’t have a 4-year university

Wikepedia says David Hasselhoff went to OU. Need we say more?

Oakland University: Come for the rare parking spots, stay for the construction. 

Oakland University… Stop laughing