As the new semester kills off the summer, students gather mournfully and prepare themselves for another go at academia. With the start of every new semester, there comes an odd and unique phenomenon that occurs with the return to school.

I call it the new semester shakedown.

It starts the minute you leave your house for school. This semester, you tell yourself, I’m going to get there 15 minutes early and get a decent parking spot.

So did the other hundreds of students who got there before you did, and now you begin the hike to class. Sucks to be you.

When you find your class and open the door, this is when the NSS takes full effect.

If the professor isn’t already in the class, then everyone in the room will stop what they are doing and look at you to see if you are the professor.

For a split second, an entire classroom of people politely glare at you. We need that first visual of a new professor to properly create false assumptions and faulty impressions. We need to see if what was said on ratemyprofessor.com matches what the professor looks like.

For the most part, people can tell that you aren’t the professor, and they go back to awkwardly looking at something else before class begins. Unless, of course, you’re that one older student in every class who has gone back to college later in life, or you’re the person pretentious enough to bring a briefcase to school. Then the class watches you and waits for you to choose either the teachers desk or a normal desk.

Oh, the desks. After the burn of all the class looking at you wears off, you need to chose a desk. Most professors will tell you seating doesn’t matter, but we all know the seat you choose on the first day will be yours the rest of the semester.

The first thing you do is look for someone you know. Congratulations if you find a friend. Otherwise, it’s your turn for the stare down.

Look around. Do you sit next to the kid who came to class extra early with the textbook on the first day? Or sit behind the person with a laptop, so you can watch them play games online when class gets boring? Do you go the full creeper and sit close, but not too close, to the most attractive person in class?

If you are anything like me, you go right for the back, or near a wall, somewhere to lean against because school desks are designed to be as uncomfortable as possible. If the classroom is a computer lab, I choose from whatever computer the professor is least likely to catch me updating my Facebook.

The shakedown doesn’t stop here. If the class doesn’t relate to your degree, you look for that kid who is clearly majoring in this subject. Get to know them. Become friendly. Some day, they may academically save your ass when you have no idea what the professor is talking about, and they’ve known all about this stuff since middle school.

Find the person who is always bringing food to class. Sit right next to them. One day they won’t be able to finish all their crackers and will offer you some. Score! Free snacks.

When the professor finally gets into the classroom, a silence falls over the room and everyone gives them their full attention, probably for the last time that semester.

I feel bad for professors on the first day, I really do. All they really have time for is to give everyone a run down of the syllabus. This means tell us all their rules (no texting, no skipping, no cheating — we get it) and then tell us all about the colossal projects and papers we have to do.

By the end of the first day, we’ve developed a handful of things we’re going to hate, dread and despise about the class.

We spend most of the time in class thinking about how we are going to plan our route from this class to the next one. Should I walk from Vandenberg to Pawley or risk life and limb trying to find a new parking spot? Would it be worth my time to cut through the OC? And where exactly am I going to hang out after class?

By the time you leave class, you tell yourself that this is the semester you’re really going to do well. No more slacking off, skipping, late night cramming, you’re going to give this semester your all.

Yeah. Good luck with that. I give it about a month before you “forget” that one assignment and the rest of the semester goes downhill.

After the first week of classes, you’ll settle in. You’ll find someone who is in more than one class with you and become friends and homework buddies. You’ll pick out the people in class to avoid, like the opinionated loudmouth, the guy who bathes in cologne, the guy who hasn’t touched a bottle of hygienic product in weeks, or that one person who will skip four days in a row and then ask what they missed.

So enjoy the shakedown while it lasts. When else do you get to completely and totally judge people without remorse and it’s totally fine? Let the professor give their talk about why you actually do need to buy this textbook so you can laugh about it when you return it unopened and for a fraction of the cost. This is going to be a good semester, take it in while you can.

Oh, but next semester, I’m totally going to give it my all. I promise.