If I told you a decade ago to go Google yourself, you might have punched me in the face.

These days, the Internet has become a breeding ground for new slang and lingo, with tweets and friending and other such terms that Word likes to underline in red.

However, while these words do have meaning and have entered our common vocabulary, certain words are still not real words. If I haven’t nerded you out by this point, then we should become friends.

You see, I got into a fight with a linguistics major the other night. She was talking and said “irregardless.”

That is not a word. It’s underlined in red in Word too.

Let’s break it down. In the middle, we have “regard,” to pay attention to or keep something in mind. When we add a “less” at the end, it means to not keep something in mind, like when my editor in chief says “Regardless of your house burning down, you still need to upload to the web.”

Now, if someone were to add “ir” to the front, it adds another negative. Don’t not pay attention? It’s a double negative. Not a real word. “Irregardless” means nothing.

But, this linguist told me, because people still (mis)use the word, and people think there is a meaning behind it, it is a real word because it’s part of common language.

Listen, I’m sorry, but as a journalist I’m strictly told to follow many rules. One of them is NOT USING FAKE WORDS.

We all read our AP style book before we go to bed, after we say our prayers to St. Murrow. There is a special spot in journalism hell for anyone who thinks “irregardless” is a real word.

Maybe when linguists get together and sacrifice a lamb to the god of lexicon, they can say “irregardless” all they want.

I’m not the only one who thinks the meaning of words is an important topic.

In a recent episode of “South Park,” the boys of South Park attempt to change the meaning of the word “fag” from a derogatory term for homosexuals to an insulting word for Harley motorcycle drivers.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone by putting that word in my article. I hate the word myself. I have a gaggle of gay friends and while some of them are cool with it, and some aren’t, I think with the collective group, there are so many more creative terms of joking anti-endearment you can use. Watch one disc of “Will & Grace” and you’ll easily have a list of new, far more creative terms to call your gay friends.

Another attempt to change the meaning of a word comes from a mock-PSA found online where a group of guys attempt to change the meaning of the word douche bag. It’s being called the douche bag solidarity movement.

As far as I’m aware, it’s only been recently that the name of the feminine hygiene product has become an insulting term for a specific breed of jerk. Is this the beginning of a new wave? Are people going to start calling idiots “tampons” and mean people “pads”?

In the video, a group of guys attempt to take back the word, turning it into a compliment. But as I watched the video, I couldn’t help but notice that these guys were a meat head, a jerk, a creep and a frat boy. Are we really going to cheat ourself and be lazy, using one word to describe any guy we don’t like? The English language has thousands of words, don’t confine yourself to just one. That would make you a douche bag.

And there is one word, the word, that people have molded into an over-utilized, good-for-any-situation word that while highly useful, makes us lazy. It’s a word that if say it on air at WXOU, gets you a $20,000 fine. I can only hint that it begins with an F and ends with my mom hitting me upside the head if I say it in front of her. Regardless of its effect, it’s the Swiss army knife of words, and people abuse it and become lazy in their vulgarities.

Another point I must make is that people need to please stop abusing the word epic. If someone made a huge mistake, it’s now common for people to call it an “Epic fail.” Stop this.

I blame this, along with the downfall of several of my friends’ relationships and hours of my brother’s life being wasted, on “World of Warcraft.” Aside from being a blight to the gaming community, the game also makes the mistake of calling all of the high-end gear “epic,” which led people to thinking the word meant “awesome.” You know what word means awesome? Awesome. Epic means really, really long. So unless it took someone years to make said mistake, it is not epic, and you’re still stupid.

Lastly, because it is White Ribbon week here on campus, I need to point out the word “wife beater,” a name given to sleeveless, tank-top style white shirts. The connotation is horrible, why in the hell would someone name a shirt after a domestic abuser? Can we at least call them something else, like, oh I don’t know, a tank top? When that’s taken care of, can we rename bigot boots and stereotyper socks?

I only complain because I love the English language. Sure, I cheated on her once with a semester of Spanish, but mi corazon tambien con Ingles. I feel the need to go on one of these George Carlinian style word rants to prove it.

My colleague, senior reporter Sean Garner, advised me against saying anything I could do was “Carlinian,” because no one can compare to the late George Carlin. I hate it when people throw a fit because you’re using someone’s name to describe something else, like saying a band is “Beatles-esque” or saying a girl looks “Megan Foxy.” I propose that someone who yells at someone for doing this shall from now on be known as “pulling a Garner.”

The English language is constantly evolving, and with the Internet, we’re only adding steroids and carcinogens to the gene pool. I may be fussy and picky, but words are my job, regardless if you think they’re real or not.