The following is a real letter sent to our office:

Dear The Oakland Post,

We’re sending this letter and a cube of sticky notes to inform you of the newest punctuation mark that identifies a sentence as being sarcastic. Its called the SarcMark, and it looks like this: (insert SarcMark here) We’ve developed software that allows the SarcMark to be added to e-mails, instant messages, letters, and text messages.

While writing articles, you may have found yourself wondering if the reader would understand the sarcastic remark you made. Because you’re unsure, you may have opted to leave that sarcastic remark out. That is a shame, but doesn’t need to be the case anymore. The time has come for the SarcMark.

We hope that you will accept these free download codes:

(removed for legal reasons)

From our website at www.SarcMark.com these free download codes will allow you to download the software and try it out for yourself. There is one for you and one for a colleague, friend, or whoever, We hope you enjoy our software, and the new punctuation mark that allows you to be sarcastic when you write.

Tell them how you really feel. Sarcasm…Punctuate it (insert SarcMark here)

Sometimes people make my job too damn easy.

The above letter was on my desk, sent to our office by the company Sarcasm, Inc. (www. SarcMark.com),  located in Washington Twp. Mich, and they are clearly going to fix the economy with this idea.

Did you catch that? That last bit about the economy? That was sarcasm. They won’t really really fix the economy, I was making a joke. A sarcastic joke.

Sarcasm is a form of comedy where what is said isn’t really what is meant, noted by subtle changes and usually shows contempt. Sarcasm is usually associated with irony and satire. The word sarcasm comes from the Greek word “sarkazo,” meaning “to flay or to tear flesh.” Those witty Greeks.

The key here is subtlety. You say something sarcastic with a change in your inflection or a roll of the eyes.You let the non-verbals convey that you’re kidding. Understandably this is hard to do in text based communication, but with the SarcMark, they are trying to kick subtlety right in the head.

“I’m glad I’m paying thousands of dollars for this class,” is all that you need. It does not need to be followed up with “Just kidding guys, that was sarcasm. I was joking.”

Adding something like the SarcMark is like explaining a joke. If you didn’t get it at first, it won’t be funny if you have to explain it to someone.

You don’t need to put a giant, smiling picture of Leonardo Da Vinci giving a thumbs up next to fine art to point out that it’s a good painting.

But hey, at least it’s an interesting and provocative symbol.

That, again, was sarcasm. See how annoying it is when someone points it out? Now imagine a world where people point it out with a gaudy, unsightly mark.

The mark itself looks like a half-assed hypnotist’s wheel, or the child of an at symbol (@) that drank while pregnant, or a question mark that took a nasty spill down a flight a stairs when it heard about the newest and stupidest addition to punctuation marks. One blog says it looks like an inverted fetus.

The period in the middle was added because most other punctuation marks include a period. You know what else most punctuation have? A legitimate reason to exist.

I’d use the actual mark in this column but it requires downloading the software and I’m lazy. If you don’t get the mark free through promotion, you have to pay $1.99 for it.

Yes. You have to buy this thing.

Some of the first media organizations to criticize the SarcMark were, of course, British. The same country that brought us “Monty Python,” the original “The Office,” and various other sanctuaries of sarcasm have choice words to say about the SarcMark. The Queen is probably pretty pissed off about this.

This isn’t the first time someone has tried to create a punctuation mark to denote sarcasm in written form.

If you’re watching closed-captioned television, they indication sarcasm with an exclamation mark in brackets [!].

Some languages use an upside-down exclamation mark to show sarcasm, irony, and a fantasy scenario, which means it comes in real handy when talking about a unicorn who stubbed his nose.

Other attempts at a sarcasm mark include using HTML tags and ending a sentence with either or just /s. This works, but only if the person you are messaging is dorky enough to get it.

Which means me and most of my friends. That wasn’t sarcastic, but could have been — do I invert the SarcMark in this case?

It must be pointed out that the domain for the official SarcMark website was used before back in 2005, when someone else had a SarcMark that was an exclamation point with an asterisk at the bottom instead of a period. It looks like a normal exclamation mark on steroids, or someone pointing out a very small explosion.

I know some people want a mark like this, and I too have had to explain to someone in a text message or on Facebook chat that I wasn’t serious when I thought their relationship problems were important or their movie idea could make millions. A SarcMark is going to help.

Did I mention the other goodies on the site? They are selling shirts and mugs and all sorts of things with sarcastic remarks redundantly SarcMark’d. I really think that more shirts with funny sayings on them is what we need.

DID YOU GET THAT? THAT WAS SARCASM. JUST MAKING SURE YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT.

The crap-tastic cherry on top of all this is the commercial. Again, I cannot make this stuff up.

The YouTube video features some sort of super hero with the SarcMark on his chest. He then takes a sledge hammer sized device and after saying something sarcastic, he bludgeons people to leave a SarcMark on them.

Bludgeoning and sarcasm do not go together. Ever. At all. A real sarcasm superhero (like IronyMan AKA Tony Sarc) wouldn’t beat people with sarcasm, more like pump it into the room as a clear, odorless gas.

The sad thing is, reports indicate Sarcasm, Inc. has already made “thousands.” They are legitimately profiting off this.

Oh well, I really hope they succeed and wind up altering the English language one SarcMark at a time. /sarcasm

Punctuate this, SarcMark.