Leaving a good tip — get out of the food industry

Last week, a woman from St. Louis, Mo. was fired from an Applebee’s after posting a snapshot on Reddit of a guest’s unique message scrawled onto a credit card receipt.

The note, left by a pastor, read, “I give God 10 percent, why do you get 18?” in reference to the automatic gratuity added to large parties, and then drew a big fat zero for the additional tip.

She also scribbled out the tip’s 18 percent gratuity, like that’s a merit for reimbursement. 

I am infinitely jealous of the infamy. I think about the lengths I have gone to make my receipts go viral, and this sorry sucker doesn’t even want it. She even got the poor waitress fired.

I mangle my receipts hoping they will surface on the Internet. I’ve written messages from thanking my bros to “tell the Oriental one the ugly one says ‘hi.’”

After writing never got me anywhere, I took to my sadistic drawing skills, praying that these photos would instantly emerge on Instagram. Of course, I only pray 10 percent, so that might be my issue.

I’ve illustrated everything from a nude Santa Claus, unicorn abortions and my all-time favorite, the knife-wielding clown covered in blood.

I don’t mean to gloat, but I’m a pretty good tipper. Having worked for tips in the past, as I’m sure a good portion of college students currently do or have done, I know the rage that comes with a gratuity of nothing.

My only upside was that as a delivery driver, I had the opportunity to procure something in those situations. I would like to thank those stingy customers for my collection of Christmas decorations and no smoking signs. I hope your sandwich was worth it.

The only time I have ever copped out on a tip was another instance where I was trying to get famous. I was very drunk, left the wise tip of, “get a new job,” and smashed a cup on the dance floor on my stumble out of the bar. This is why I will no longer visit the City of Utica.

The world is the Internet. Everyone has their faces buried in their phone and every single stupid situation ends up documented on Twitter, Instagram, Reddit and whatever other apps are floating out there that I’m too out-of-touch to know about.

When you scribble an angry note like that, there’s a high probability it’s going online, at least a 10 percent chance. The pastor’s name wasn’t even visible, only the top portion of the loops of their signature made it over the vast Internet.

They had to get their panties in a bunch and get a girl just trying to feed herself fired. At least there’s a bright side to her situation — she no longer has to work at an Applebee’s.

If someone’s in any position of importance, they should probably think twice before leaving rage-induced notes with their name on it. I really don’t have to worry about that, because I mean nothing to the general public, unlike a pastor that has great influence on the greater St. Louis area. At least 10 percent influence.

Do a favor and leave a tip. Don’t be a buffoon and leave $100 like some people that I used to be, but leave some compensation for the people faking a smile for you, as if they don’t want to die on a daily basis. All she wanted was the tip, something to hold her over until she got off. Instead she got the shaft.

And if you are the recipient of a frightening photograph on your receipt, make sure you hashtag that so I can show it off to my parents later.

Contact Copy Editor Brian Figurski via email at [email protected]