The Oakland Post hosted a debate between Stephen Armica and William Smithsonson about everyone’s favorite holiday argument: Whether or not Starbucks’ stopping red cups were an attack on Christmas or not.

William Smithsonson: Let me just start by saying that there is nothing more important to me than the holidays. The holly berries, the ornaments and the smell of fresh pines against the crackling fire ambiance are truly a time of peace.

It’s that peaceful time that allows me to continue each year (that and a glass of whiskey before bed every night.) I just can’t imagine life without this holiday. Part of the problem happens to be that there’s some liberal social justice warriors who think just because their parents are overzealous about the holidays, I have to enjoy my holiday behind closed doors.

According to them, I have to close the blinds, sit on the ground and quietly wrap my Christmas gifts like I’m trying to drink alcohol in a caliphate-run country.

Well, I don’t want to sit down while I wrap my gifts. Last time I checked, all the founding fathers were Christian and the president has always been Christian, sort of. I think Thomas Jefferson liked Christmas a little bit.

But the fact of the matter is that we need Christmas. Without this sort of meaning, our lives can be thrown into chaos. If people suddenly thought there was no God, then our entire society would have to be reconstructed in the image of memes instead of divine worship. And I hate memes.

So what does a dyed piece of cardboard have to do with this? It’s a mark of the unanimous devotion to God. The red signifies that we, as an entire population, truly believe in the same thing. That thinking differently is an unethical, and often damaging thing.

We need to know as a people that if you drink Starbucks, then you too are a part of the beautiful thing we call society.

Because when something like a Starbucks cup functions correctly, when everything is moving toward the same goal of economic prowess and military leadership, then we have something to count on. We have something to remain comfortable in.

Life is like a contract. First, you fulfill your end of the bargain, then you ignore the people who were, for whatever reason, excluded from the negotiating table, then you get what you have coming. That’s how life works and that’s how everything else should work.

So grab your Starbucks cup and look at it. The next time you see the “Happy Holidays” laughing in your face like you’re somebody who likes Menorahs or Kinaras, just remember that it’s because of that little piece of cardboard that society will have collapsed 10 years later.

Stephen Armica: Yeah, I think we should bring back the Starbucks cups because there isn’t enough blood pressure medication in the world to make that guy okay. Just bring it back for the people who have so little in life.