College is a zoo


Oakland students try to act natural as interested students tour the campus.

It’s that time of the year when high school students come from near and far to check out good ol’ Oakland University. Okay maybe not far, but they do come from around the metro Detroit area.

Some students are feeling the pressure that comes with always having a group of enthusiastic 16-year-olds walking past you.

“It’s like I’m always being watched,” Suzy Sophomore, a sophomore, said. “I feel like I’m trapped inside a zoo. They’re everywhere.”

In the words of Michael Jackson, students always feel like there is someone else watching them and they simply don’t have privacy anymore.

This week, a freshman, Freddy Freshman, said that while he was crying over a poor grade he received, a tour walked past him.

This is what the guide said to the students:

“And here we have a crying college student. Don’t be alarmed, kids, this is a common sight on campuses everywhere. It’s exam season, and the wild college student is simply blowing off steam.”

Freshman said he felt he was on display.

“I mean, college is stressful,” Freshman said. “So what if I want to cry in the middle of the OC? I was tired of adulting that day.”

Students who live in the residence halls, who are often joined by the tour-goers for lunch, especially feel like they’re being watched.

“At least when the tours come through lunch is pretty decent, but it creeps me out that they’re all huddled in the glass rooms,” Jenny Junior, a junior, said.

While having spilled juice all over the cookies in Vandy is horrifying, it can be even more alarming to turn around and see a dozen adolescents staring in your direction.

In fact, some students are affected quite seriously.

Sammy Senior, a senior, said that the tours have led to a full-out identity crisis for him.

“It’s like I don’t know who I am anymore,” Senior said. “I feel like I’m an exhibit at the zoo. Am I a college student or a zoo animal? Nobody knows.”

Other students are going into panic attacks at the sight of a varsity jacket. “My child is on the honor roll” bumper stickers are also sending students into flurries.

Looks like Graham Health Center might need to hire more counselors.

All jokes aside, it’s hilarious to see just how many tours can go through this joint on the daily. Every Monday at the Post we have at least two groups stare at us while we’re trying to think up article ideas.

I remember walking past the Post when I toured OU and thinking it would be fun to be a reporter and write for a living. So I walked in my freshman year and asked for a spot as an intern.

Spoiler: it’s a ton of fun.

So don’t let the tours bug you. Seeing high school students start their journey into higher education reminds me why I’m in college in the first place. In a way, it’s motivating.

Oh, and to any of you kids who picked up an Oakland Post during your tour, welcome to Oakland University.