A day for me without caffeine is like a cone without ice cream; a robot without a battery; a newsroom without frantic, overworked reporters — it just doesn’t work. Actually, a day for me without caffeine just doesn’t exist, so I’m not sure why I’m wasting my word count talking about it.

While caffeine comes in various forms, the most obvious choice to make a sleep deprived college kid feel awesome is energy drinks. Despite the way-too-high price, they really do the trick, and after filtering out the few that taste like cat piss and drainage juice, you end up with maybe three or four that top your personal liquid list. While Amp and Rockstar might take bronze and silver in this competition of sorts, it’s pretty clear which takes gold.

It’s one of the few splendors of slurp that has lasted through the test of time: Monster Energy. It’s pretty much a given that any 7-Eleven or gas station will be carrying the product in its glorious rainbow of colors, and the giant, kickass Monster truck shows up just about everywhere it can. The truck is a regular at the annual Van’s Warped Tour and I even saw them giving away free Monsters in the Cobo Center’s basement during the 2010 Auto Show.

For some, it’s just a nice drink to give that extra kick to your day. For others, it goes awesome mixed with some sort of alcohol. And for a considerably smaller group, it’s a necessity, pushing its way in between soda products and the five hour (headache inducing) energy shots.

Conveniently for these people, Monster Energy has a taste for just about everyone, offering fruity flavors from orange to purple. Monster gives a kick in the butt to ol’ Starbucks with a Java and tea line. They even released a few limited edition cans for avid collectors and fans. Each brand shoves 10 mg of caffeine per ounce into each cold can, but I myself prefer just the original.

If you’re going to speed up your death clock, you might as well do it in a way that you enjoy and doesn’t involve scorching the inside of your throat. A friend who had an unsupported dislike for Monster allegedly had her first can the other day and sent me a text to say, “Hey, this stuff is pretty darn good!” Yes it is, Lisa. Welcome to the freakin’ world.

I and the others like me should probably go to rehab for a caffeine/Monster addiction at some point. And you know, it might just be cheaper than this whole college thing.