I’ve been doing a lot of pondering over what the ultimate purpose of acquiring education through school is. Aside from racking up lifetime fees, it seems most continue their education in hopes of achieving a successful challenging career.

What is a challenging career? Mechanical astronaut? Nope. A career as a neuro-surgeon? That is child’s play.

The most demanding career is by far the fast food industry.

I can’t stand the food industry, as they pump out chemical-saturated “food” into the gullets of Americans daily.

There’s a 25 percent chance you are using the Mouthing Off page as a napkin for the Big Mac sauce coating your lips.

Most important to my rage is the fact that I’m reluctantly still part of it.

It’s sorely embarrassing that I’m in a position of management.

I have a dreaded fear I will turn into some fast food dictator who actually gives a magic floating cramp about a dead-end job or, firing employees over sock color if I continue to deteriorate in this facility.

The reason fast food is the most demanding career is multi-faceted, response.

The first reason for its stranglehold is the customers.

Everyone has something to say about food. Everyone eats. Anyone who claims a liquid diet is a downright liar who got their jaw wired shut for lying in the first place, and is therefore telling the truth now.

Everyone is a consumer of food, and in America, the freaky faster, the better.

A quarter of our obese nation gobbles on grease-flamed fries and burgers daily.

Chances are, you won’t see the mechanically-inclined picking fights at the auto shop, but rest assured everyone from snot-nosed adolescents to an 88-year-old have an issue with your food handling skills.

If only we could abolish the slogan “have it your way” and in its place scribe “order what’s on the menu, pick off what you don’t like, shut your mouth and keep driving.” If consumers don’t comply, sic the creepy crown-donning king on them.

No one executes any kind of courtesy from lobby side of the cash register.

I have to piss insincere politeness, but if it were any reflection of how I really felt, I would have been tossed a long time ago.

Although the time I was written up for giving the middle finger to a family of four, I got promoted.

Most people in this world have experienced waged life in the food processes, and properly I must assume they were also treated like peasants.

This world is a downward spiral of “do unto others” to a malignant point.

Food of the quick and pointless is routinely stereotyped as a job for carefree teenagers, functioning drug addicts and overall failures.

Being a resident at such a place, I concur.

This is how the industry creates such a booming profit, by paying us downgrade humans in floor scrapings.

By this point I have probably been grouped into the latter of the categories, and have only kept this job to inject a healthy dose of inspirational hatred into my day.

Even with how much information I divulge about myself, you may be shocked with how many times I’ve been fired.

Out of all my jobs, this one has been the most draining.

So, if you’re looking for challenge in the job market, look no further than every quarter mile on any road, any city, America.

In fact, there are positions opening soon at my store — mine!

As a pure scumbag, I am getting out and shaking loose the title before I embody some of the nastiest, most despicable scoundrels I have had the displeasure of knowing and interacting alongside for way-too-long on the timeline of my life.

I hope this story brought you back to your boil-faced teenage years. If it brings you back to last night’s shift, I can only imagine how you could put my tales to shame.

I ran into some people I went to high school with that I haven’t seen in six years.

We swapped stories for a moment. Well, they spread stories about how they are mechanical engineers or in general, successful happy people.

I exercised my creative muscle and created fables about how “I work for an online newspaper and write really funny stories and I’m perpetually optimistic. Do not google my name.”

So sad it is that I have to hide my pathetic job from the general populous.

 

Contact multimedia reporter Brian Figurski via e-mail at [email protected]. Follow him on Twitter @WhatDidBeefSay