Friendship is one of the most important yet most overlooked aspects of life. Society as a whole can get so caught up in a state of constant distraction that social life can become pushed to the side. This then leads to many not being able to remember their old ways of finding new companions and snowballs into phenomena such as the loneliness epidemic.
Research from psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky shows that even interactions with strangers are able to create changes on a cellular level, so one can imagine the great changes true friendships might bring to one’s life. Facts like this shed light on how much community helps everyone involved; that is why this subject needs as much research as possible.
To start, it is best to examine the claims made in the book “Build the Life You Want” by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey. Arthur Brooks has extensively studied happiness and written numerous books supplying readers with knowledge on how to improve their own lives. Oprah has met crowds from many different walks of life, which required that she be able to swiftly formulate reliable advice for those who come onto her talk show. To learn what must be done to nourish your social life, you will first need to know what challenges you are facing. In chapter six, “Friendship That Is Deeply Real,” Brooks brings up four issues that may arise when making new friends.
The first challenge is personality traits such as introversion and extroversion. Research has proven that extroverts tend to form shallower relationships, usually with other extroverts. Introverts, conversely, can be more socially withdrawn. Both patterns can lead to lower life satisfaction, as deep connections are an innate need for humans.
The next challenge was “Excessive Usefulness”; this segment described transactional friendships, which don’t bring true contentment despite being easier to form. Friendship should not be focused on usefulness, but rather on a genuine appreciation for the other person as they are.
Another common issue is that many people become overly attached to their opinions, dismissing others as soon as there is any friction in their relationship. When one attaches their identity too much to political views or opinions, the slightest disagreement can feel like a personal attack.
The last topic that Brooks reflects on in that chapter is how the internet impacts social health. The study described in this portion was completed in 1998, meaning that the technology was fairly different from what exists nowadays. Even so, the study found that having one computer within a household was enough to increase levels of depression and loneliness. That was just a single, old-fashioned computer.
In our current time, screens are pervasive in every aspect of life. Apps have been designed to be as addictive as they can be, short-form content is on the rise, and there are even forms of Artificial Intelligence that people can talk to as if they were humans. It is no wonder that numerous individuals struggle socially and emotionally.
Being aware of the main challenges in maintaining friendships, it is easier for one to apply this to their own life. Extroverts may want to try delving deeper into existing friendships, and introverts could focus on stepping outside of their comfort zone more frequently.
For many, the biggest obstacle in making social efforts is their own mindset. In that case, the best course of action is just to take the first step. Take an honest look at your friendships, and look for ways that you may improve them based on some of this information.
Finally, a recent survey study conducted at OU proved that more friends do not automatically equate to more happiness; everyone has their own golden number of friends. Generally, those with two to five close friends have the most consistently high satisfaction in their social lives based on the data collected. Above all, spend time away from screens and nourish your relationships! It benefits everyone involved.
