We’ve all had the pure misfortune of doing our dastardly deeds of doo-doo and defecation (Yay! Alliteration!) in the privacy of our confined bathroom stall, only to be troubled by the noise of our bathroom stall neighbors.

But fear not, because after reading this list, you will never be worried about that again. After all, you can’t overhear anything worse than …

The Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From the Next Bathroom Stall:

10. “Oh, man. I am just so very sorry about this.”

9. “Alright, everybody, let’s go over the rules. First, we don’t talk about fight club.”

8.  Anything at all, really. If either you or I are in the bathroom stall, it is quiet time.

7.  (As the person in the next stall leaves) “I’ll be back…”

6.  “I have him … he’s in the next stall. Commence the operation.”

5.  “No, no, no, no, not again! Popeye’s chicken, why??”

4. (In a Christian Bale voice) “SWEAR TO ME!”

3. “No, don’t worry, I can stay on FaceTime!”

2. “Huh, my mom was right! I WAS pregnant!”

1. “Don’t worry, I’m a United States congressman.”