As *Bernie, a 22-year-old university student, heads into the bathroom, he leaves his phone behind. 

He steps into his shower. Its walls are covered in printed out Bible verses that have been placed into Ziploc bags and duct taped to the tiles. Reminders to stay vigilant are penned onto the same tiles in permanent marker. 

“STARVE THE DOG,” he reads inscribed just below the shower head that hisses out cold water — the dog is the pornography addiction that once sunk its fangs into Bernie’s life. While the dog’s jaws no longer have a grip on him, the scars remain. 

The same scars are shared by millions — a 2025 Gitnux report found that 58% of men and 34% of women say they spend too much time viewing pornography, and that approximately 21 million Americans are addicted. For many, including Bernie, what begins as a private habit grows into a compulsion that reshapes intimacy and identity.

The Oxford Dictionary defines pornography as “printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate sexual excitement.” 

Today, it typically refers to sexually explicit online videos instantly accessible on the internet. 

Bernie’s first exposure came the summer between sixth and seventh grade, at 12 years old. He spent the summer on his couch with a cast on his leg, recovering from a sports injury.

“Naturally I did a lot of scrolling on the internet,” Bernie said. “I spent a lot of time on Instagram.”

What started as photos of models in bikinis eventually devolved into pornography as Bernie went down a rabbit hole of increasingly-provocative hashtags. 

Bernie went back to this same well with increasing frequency. Even throughout Bernie’s school days, the dog tugged at its leash, drawing Bernie’s thoughts to the temporary pleasures that waited for him in his bedroom. 

It was no longer a guilty pleasure, but something his brain depended on for stability. 

A study done by Cambridge University found that pornography releases unnaturally high dopamine spikes — often higher or longer-lasting than most drugs — which rewire the brain toward compulsive use. 

Ted Shimer is a pornography addiction expert who founded the Freedom Fight, an online platform meant to equip young men to experience freedom from pornography addiction.

“Porn is one of the most addictive of all substances — in fact, some people have come to call pornography ‘the new drug,’” Shimer said. “Some drugs create a higher dopamine high than porn, but there are no drugs as accessible as the new drug.”

“Few drugs can be binged on for hours at a time like porn, which creates massive amounts of dopamine in the brain,” Shimer said. 

By the time Bernie developed a moral opposition to his pornography use, it was too late. Bernie had — in every sense of the word — an addiction. 

“I had a desire to stop, but I couldn’t,” Bernie said. “I deleted social media and even Safari off my phone. I didn’t have access to my computer either — and I would still find a way to look at porn.”

“I was like a freaking drug addict scrounging around the ground looking for a little scrap of a high,” Bernie admitted. 

Pornography addiction, like other addictions, has very real consequences.

A study by the Journal of Sex Research linked pornography addiction to anxiety and depression, guilt and shame, isolation and secrecy, reduced relationship satisfaction and distorted expectations of sex. It can even cause erectile dysfunction and arousal issues, loss of romantic trust, escalation into more extreme content, sleep disruption, fatigue and a decline in productivity at work or school.

Bernie faced many of those issues. As with millions of others, perhaps most severe was the shame. 

Each click gnawed at his confidence, stripping away layers of his identity until only shame remained.

“I felt out of control of myself. It made me feel like a little boy,” he said. “You’d think a man would have control over his own body.”

His shame’s priciest toll was the isolation that came with it. 

“Not wanting to ruin the image people had of me stopped me from reaching out and trying to find help for a really long time,” Bernie said.

“We weren’t made for isolation — porn reprograms our brain for isolation, which tells you why it kills relationships,” Shimer said. “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. It’s connection.”

The dog was hungry, and — no matter how hard he tried — Bernie couldn’t starve it alone. Whether he locked up his phone, took away his laptop access or took a Sharpie to his shower walls, it wasn’t enough. 

Bernie was trapped until he “connected” — until he decided that his recovery was more important than his image.

The mangy mutt was hungry, but not invincible. Its weakness? Honesty and accountability. 

Shimer’s words about connection weren’t just theory. Bernie discovered them firsthand when his progress towards recovery was catalyzed by creating an accountability group that included himself and six friends, all fellow victims of the dog’s nasty bite.

The group committed to daily check-ins, praying for each other regularly and weekly discussion meetings. The group progresses through Freedom Fight content, curated by Shimer, that is meant to educate and equip them in their battle against pornography addiction. 

“Being surrounded by close friends who were also trying to recover from a porn addiction, and just having people that know my struggles and I know their struggles — that’s been super empowering,” Bernie said. “They can motivate me, and I can motivate them. We can keep each other accountable.” 

Kerl* and Barabbas* are two of Bernie’s six accountability partners. 

“Being in a group with [Bernie] has been so beneficial,” Kerl said. “It’s been great and encouraging to watch him grow, and I think it really helps him to have others who care about him hold him accountable… He isn’t alone.”

“There’s a Bible verse that says the wounds of a friend are better than the kisses of an enemy,” Barabbas said, “and [Bernie] embodies that — I know he cares about me deeply, and he doesn’t beat around the bush in talking sternly to me and keeping my head on straight.” 

“It’s been such a benefit to my life, in regards to forming good habits and making sure that I am being a man of integrity — even when I’m alone,” Barabbas added. “Bringing anything done in the darkness out into the light is groundbreaking for recovery.” 

The group members discussed and developed a habit that they lean on when the dog begins to tug on the leash — when their addictions are triggered and they are tempted to return to pornography use. They call it “BRACE,” an acronym. 

The “B” stands for breathe. 

“Slow down, take some deep breaths, de-escalate things,” Bernie said. 

Next is “R:” remember the truth. 

After their deep breaths, the group members will recall or read Bible verses that relate to the issue and call them to a higher standard. 

They might also “remember the truth” by considering the possible consequences of using pornography, reminding themselves how unsatisfied pornography has left them in the past or picturing the ways the addiction could harm their future families. 

“A:” ask for help. 

After hopefully achieving a state of clarity, Bernie and his group, all Christians, will turn to prayer. 

“Ask God to be your strength. Accepting my weakness and asking God to be my strength has been really important,” Bernie said. 

If the dog is still scratching at the door, “C” comes next — call. Bernie and his friends pick up the phone and tell an accountability partner that they’re struggling. 

Finally comes “E,” for escape. Go on a run, pick up a LEGO set, settle in at a public study spot. 

Bernie credits his accountability group — including their practice of “BRACE” — as a key player in his journey toward recovery. The group was founded just over a year ago, and it’s approaching a year since Bernie last threw the dog a bone. 

“I’m not sure I can express how important it is to be built up by others who are battling the same struggle,” Kerl, who has also gone a year without returning to pornography, added. “He fights so hard, and he encourages me to do the same.”

Even a year removed from feeling helpless, Bernie knows recovery isn’t the same as cure. The dog still lingers at the edges of his mind, waiting for a moment of weakness. Shame still whispers, though softer now, and trust is something he continues to rebuild day by day. 

“I certainly believe that healing is possible, but I’m not sure that a full restoration is possible,” Bernie said. 

What was once the deepest bite still leaves a most painful scar: Bernie’s distorted view of women and intimacy. 

In the “trenches” of his addiction, everything became sexualized, and Bernie felt like he couldn’t separate women from the idea of sex. 

“I wasn’t able to see women for who they are,” Bernie said. “That was the worst part — not being able to see half of mankind for their God-given value.”

Bernie has seen a lot of progress on that front, but he is still unsatisfied with the ways he’s been hardwired by pornography. 

“It’s been a year and I feel like I’m just starting to see women the way I should have the whole time,” Bernie said. 

He hopes to be married someday and fears that intimacy with his wife might be distorted by the scars the dog has left. 

“Porn trains the mind to disconnect sex from intimacy, from commitment, from relationship,” Shimer said. 

Bernie identified his recovery as integral for being able to see his wife as “lovely,” rather than as “somebody who can give sex.” 

Bernie’s fight is personal, but it is also universal. The same dog that stalked him stalks countless others, reshaping intimacy and identity in bedrooms and bathrooms across the world. 

The first half of Bernie’s story — early exposure and descent into addiction — is extraordinarily ordinary. It’s the second half — accountability and victory — that’s unfortunately not so common. 

“The destructive consequences of increasing porn addiction are coming. The next generation will experience them firsthand,” Shimer said. “The wave of porn addiction is gaining size and speed at an alarming rate.”

Bernie wishes people knew that pornography addiction was “truly an addiction, with serious consequences” and treated it as such.  

“You can heal, but you’re still going to have scars,” Bernie said, “but I wish people knew you could minimize damage and get out of there.”

For Bernie, the shower tiles still bear their warnings, but now they are less about fear and more about resolve. The dog may never vanish, but Bernie no longer faces it alone. In that shared fight, he has found addiction’s kryptonite: connection.

*Bernie, Kerl and Barabbas are pseudonyms used to protect the identities of those interviewed.