Oakland University has recently received a donation worth millions of dollars to build a new clock tower. While that may be useful to those in a hurry to go back to 1985 in their DeLorean, I can’t help but wonder if this is the best use of the money.

Personally, if I were going to make a few improvements around campus, I’d go with a cheaper idea that students may appreciate more.

We need adult-sized desks.

In Kindergarten, little Brian sat at a big round table with a bunch of other kids. Elbowroom and legroom were plentiful, and crayons and paints were placed in a communal center — except for when some little jerk kept bogarting the red crayon. I don’t forgive or forget.

In elementary school, I had a nice big desk with a hinged top. I could stow my books inside of it easily, and there was no annoying bar connecting it to my chair.

By the time high school and college rolled around, I’ve been given a French painter’s palette connected to a poor excuse for a wood chair.

If desk size is inversely proportional to education level, I’m worried about going for my Master’s degree. Presumably they’ll give me a clipboard glued to a stepstool. At the doctorate level, I assume students will just get Barbie furniture.

I’m supposed to have a hardcover textbook and a notebook open on a desk that’s too narrow for one of those things. I once had big dreams of using my laptop to take notes. Now I have big dreams of having a desk my laptop will actually fit upon.

I know I’m not the most svelte individual, but even a Muppet would have a problem sitting at these desks – the guy with his hand up the puppet’s backside wouldn’t fit.

I’m sure the clock tower is a sound investment. But if OU has any money left over after that, maybe they should call IKEA. If we’re trying to attract new students to campus, it’d be nice if they could actually fit.

Contact Chief Copy Editor Brian Johnston via emial at [email protected]