It has come to our attention that many OU students would like to see the university introduce an NCAA-level football team. Rest assured — we are here to lend our incredibly robust knowledge of the game to help facilitate this introduction.

Once OU’s administration gets that ball rolling (or spiraling, am I right?! …what is that cricket-y sound?) we’ve got a few pieces of wisdom to offer.

Note: this article will be fully composed of references to the 2006 feel-good family football drama “Friday Night Lights,” so if you’ve never seen the show, think of the following as some fun riddles to decipher. (Why would we give you honest advice when we could give you pop culture references from a network television show no one has thought about in 10 years?)

If you’re suddenly thrust from second string to star quarterback as a lovable but green sophomore rookie, take it all in your stride.

Lean into that whole not-like-the-other-jocks shy boy swagger and keep your chin up, even in the face of any hot-shot Freshmen recruits that might pop up and threaten your hold on the QB1 position. You’ve undoubtedly got a few wins in you — and if nothing else, you could keep your grandma’s lights on.

A good team needs a good coach.

Chiappelli volunteers to be OU’s Coach Taylor, as her daily reality so closely mirrors that of a middle aged man with the weight of a small Texas town on his back. And while we’re at it, Coker can supply our version of the best character of the series — Connie Britton’s perfect hair — with her newly minted red mane that could surely girlboss its way to state. (Hot take: Tami Taylor’s hair did more for the Dillon Panthers than anyone on that coaching staff.)

A powder puff game can be just the morale-boosting exercise to reinvigorate any team.

Every powder puff coach wants to be a Tim Riggins, but will most likely wind up as an awkward little Matt Saracen. Fear not! You can turn that team right around by locating the human equivalent of the intersection between the most outwardly uninterested attitude and the most straw-like bangs (sorry Julie Taylor.)

I, too, would like a 2006 Taylor Kitsch to coach my powder puff team, but we have to make the most of what we’ve got here. I don’t see a lot of flowy little bobs and sherpa-lined denim jackets around here, but maybe that’ll get you your football team?

If your best friend starts a relationship with your high school sweetheart after you sustain a life-altering injury during the game, then… yeah, we’ve got nothing.

Soulmate-ism aside, we understand if you just want to hold that grudge. 

If all else fails, remember clear eyes and full hearts can’t lose.

This phrase actually works as literally as you allow it to. Don’t even think about getting on that field if your heart is broken, in two, sinking or what have you. And once you’ve got matters of the heart sorted, invest in some Visine and maybe a refreshed contact subscription and hit the green.