Vice Presidential debate fly interviewed by DNC strategists

Vice+Presidential+debate+fly+interviewed+by+DNC+strategists

Ben Hume, Web Editor

The black fly that famously landed on Mike Pence’s head during the first Vice Presidential debate was finally brought in for questioning by the Democratic Party strategists this weekend to improve their debating strategies for the future.

The analysts were surprised to learn, however, that the fly was actually previously incarcerated by Kamala Harris after being mistaken for a black man, and some amount of awkwardness ensued.

The fly explained that he was given a life sentence of four days by Harris for possession of three grams of marijuana. He escaped from prison to rush the VP debate stage in order to protest the immoral incarceration of black people under Harris’s watch, but instead his image was plastered all over social media as a reminder to vote. The fly was rather peeved that his protest was manipulated to support the institution that had him locked up in the first place.

The DNC strategists were baffled. They were used to this criticism from the annoying leftists within their party, but a common house fly criticizing their platform? This was unheard of.

They just could not understand how they could be at fault for the tragedy that was this bug.

Well, the strategists asked the fly, “If you really did want to make a statement of protest about Harris’s immoral past as a prosecutor, why did you sit on Pence’s head for so long?” He said he was simply very hungry and his favorite snacks are pieces of shit. The fly said that he was not going to pass up the veritable buffet that was Pence’s hair. 

This was just unfathomable to the strategists. An individual who hated the policies of the Democratic party but still thought Republicans were unsavory pieces of shit? This fly must be one of the mystical independent voters they had heard so much about! They just had to get some more answers out of the fly to crack the case of how to finally swing those independent voters in their favor. That must be the secret to winning the election, and this fly was going to give them the keys to the kingdom.

Unfortunately for the DNC strategists, they very much underestimated how short the lifespan of a common fly was, and watched in horror as the bug buzzed his last words.

“There’s no such thing as an independent voter, just give us healthcare … bzzz,” gasped the fly as he finally came to rest.

The strategists immediately called a meeting of Democratic party leadership to tell them their findings. They said that the fly was incredibly cryptic, but they interpreted the fly’s last words to mean that they should immediately plaster every social media page with pictures of the fly with Donald Trump’s face with the word VOTE written below it in bad impact font from a 2011 meme template.

Everyone agreed this was a good idea and immediately told their unpaid interns to get to work creating the memes, as party leadership took off for the day.

They couldn’t afford to miss tonight’s Saturday Night Live skit — they heard their favorite fly was the star of the show that night.