‘Paul Blart’ 2: Hollywood royalty

Michael Pearce, Sports Editor

When you think of an American hero, what goes through your head?

Some might think of soldiers, lifelong politicians, firefighters and doctors. But there is only one man I’d ever give the title of “hero” to.

His name is Paul Blart.

We all know the story of Officer Blart. He saved the West Orange Pavilion Mall from the evil Veck Sims and his crew, who were going to steal millions from the mall and possibly hurt civilians. He did it out of the kindness of his own heart and got the girl in the process. But everyone wondered … what happened next?

Thanks to “Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2,” we know what happened next.

This movie is possibly the second-best movie of all time, behind the first movie — of course. This movie takes all the charm of the first movie — fat jokes, inaccurate weaponry and incompetent villains — and jacks it up to 11.

Officer Blart is a lady’s man, no doubt about it. Throughout this film, he is macking on cuties and spitting game like a pimp. Despite his portly figure — which we are constantly reminded of throughout the film through hilarious gags — he ends up with not one, but two ladies wanting him.

Speaking of hilarious gags, one of the best gags in the movie is Officer Blart’s interaction with this random bird that never is introduced in any way. It just shows up. This is a testament to the writers at Happy Madison Production Studios and their brilliant way of surprising the audience.

Another hilarious gag that these brilliant writers have created is the vibrating fork. You heard me right, the vibrating fork. No, this is not a late-night TV commercial, this is no Adam and Eve. This is Paul fighting his demons in the beginning of the movie and slaying them in the end.

Our stocky pal Paul — excuse me — Officer Blart, goes through a lot of trials and tribulations as he works to save Las Vegas from high roller art thieves. He battles his weight, his hypoglycemia and the impending loss of his daughter — who is headed to college across the country at UCLA.

The movie is incredibly detailed, with a metric ton of foreshadowing that only the staunchest movie critic could decipher. Lucky for you Blart fanatics, I can decode the rich cinematography that writer Kevin James and director Andy Fickman have put on display for us.

Thanks to Fickman and James, this movie vastly outperformed its budget at the box office. Officer Blart’s second ride gained $107.6 million at the box office, while it only spent a meager $30-40 million estimated.

The crown jewel of cinema accomplishment comes in the movie’s final act, as great films do. Earlier in the film, the covert espionage of skinny legend, Raini Rodriguez, and her new beau discover the villain’s weakness, and this time — it is Maya Blart who takes down the villain, in a very “padawan becomes the master” change of fate.

Blart gets the girl, the world is saved, and Maya is off at college. A fitting end to the Blart dynasty. A crescendo that I give 5/5 vibrating forks.