Oakland University to bring in O.J. Simpson to speak

Michael Pearce, Editor-In-Chief

“What’s up, Twitter world, yours truly here.”

Never have truer words been spoken. NFL legend Orenthal James (O.J.) Simpson will be visiting Oakland University to give a speech on his legendary career in the NFL and acting, which mysteriously ended in 1994 with no explanation.

Simpson is famous for his on-field performance, which was never blemished by any off-field issues. He had an amazing college career, winning the Heisman Trophy in 1968 and murdering the competition.

The former Buffalo Bills running back killed it on the screen as well, taking a stab at acting after he stopped playing football. Simpson is one of those NFL legends who will be truly missed after he is gone, his presence in the world of sports fits like a glove.

“We thought O.J. was perfect to bring to campus,” event planner Ig Noramus said. “What we want in a lecturer is someone who terrifies our students of failure. We needed someone who will shock and amaze our students.”

The event will take place on June 12, an event that has zero significance to Simpson at all. According to a press release from the Simpson estate, the former movie star is eagerly awaiting what he is hoping will be a sold out event.

“I am honored to take a break from my vigorous Twitter video postings to come to Oakland University to speak,” the press release said. “I look forward to visiting a university in California, where I too went to college!”

Simpson has amassed millions of Twitter followers since he joined the platform in 2019. He posts videos of him ranting about topics such as fantasy football, golf and his ex-wife who conveniently does not have a name. This leads many to believe the Hall of Famer is single and ready to mingle.

“Personally, I’d take a hard look at O.J.,” grad student Coe Matose said. “I have a horrible memory, but I’m pretty sure he’s like, a legend in the sports world. I think something else made him famous too … probably all the hilarious Twitter videos and nothing else.”

Tickets for the lecture will be $28,000, about the price of a new Ford Bronco. The event is expected to pack the O’rena and sell out within minutes of tickets being available at the OSI ticket window.

Simpson comes with baggage. Many are protesting the event because of the outrageous prices. They believe it is because of discrimination against poor people.

“This is insulting to any of us who don’t have millions to spend on a daily basis and still want to hear the great Mr. Simpson speak,” freshman Theo Terrmajer said. “These prices are killing us and it is truly disgusting.”

For some, this is a deal to see an NFL legend before he reaches the end of his life. Simpson is 72 years old, and most likely will not be open to lectures in the future.

“We need to see O.J. before it’s too late,” Senior Vice President of Lectures Jim Whales said. “I fully expect O.J. to split my sides with that legendary deadly sense of humor he has going for him.”

Simpson declined my numerous interview requests, something about slippery hands.