If you give a college student homework…

Do y’all remember that book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” from your younger years? Or that stupid pencil one where if you don’t have a pencil you’ll end up homeless? Well, if you give a college student homework, especially on Moodle, you’re in for a hell of a ride. Literally.

See, when you give a college student homework, there is this innate urge to put it off until the last second, regardless of how long you give us. Sometimes we just can’t physically bring ourselves to do it.

Why we do this, I don’t think any of us really know. It would be so much easier to just get things done when we have the time to and not an hour before it’s due. However, for being pretty smart people, we tend to do some dumb things.

When students procrastinate and put it off to the last second, we will stay awake into the wee hours of the morning trying to get it done. Doing this leads to only a few hours of actual sleep, turning anyone who thinks this is a good idea into a zombie. Unless, of course, you chugged caffeine, which makes you a zombie who is faking it.

You can tell who stayed up until 3 a.m. either doing homework or watching TikToks. Dark circles and black coffee are a dead giveaway. 

When students are up early in the morning after staying up late to finish homework, we try to get in every last minute of sleep we can. The snooze button is dangerous, especially if you know it will take you some time to get ready. 

If students are running late, we’re going to still try to get to work on time by speeding. As long as you watch out for cops, you’ll be fine right? You’ll definitely earn back the few minutes you lost when you were trying to hold on to sleep for those last five minutes. 

Wrong. You live in Michigan where the weather never cooperates and the roads are always terrible. Snow, black ice and other equally bad drivers under the darkness of February mornings are a mess waiting to happen. 

If you speed in Michigan’s shitty weather, you’re going to lose traction on the road. No matter how good of a driver you think you are, the snow and ice will win. Your dumbass will just end up with a smashed bumper. Trust me.

And good luck trying to explain it to your parents. Yeesh. Your parents will hug you and be so thankful you’re alive and then immediately want to kill you themselves for the superb job you did on the front bumper. 

Yes mom, I know you told me to be careful on the roads since they were slippery. At this point, just expect that I tend to take the hard route when figuring these things out. I’m sorry. 

Long story short, if you give a college student, like myself, homework, I’m going to put it off for as long as I can. I stay up getting it done and then the next thing you know I’m tearing through someone’s front yard. 

Yes, I am calling myself out. Have I learned to stop procrastinating? Absolutely not. I have gotten this far already so I have nothing to lose at this point. 

My car is getting herself back into shape. In the meantime, I am driving my grandma’s car while she’s living it up in Florida.

This is a warning. Don’t drive your grandma’s car. Stay safe out there, kids.