Great balls of fire

If you happened to look up into the sky at any time on Monday, you probably didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. Since it’s 2015 and the only people who own binoculars are perverts and bird watchers, you probably didn’t have the chance to see asteroid 2004 BL86 which, according to NASA, was visible through telescope or powerful binoculars. 

Asteroid 2004 BL86, which is just a fancy way of saying a giant rock that could have killed us all in a fiery, cataclysmic event of death and destruction. It’s just the latest flying ball of death that has attempted to wipe us out.  Asteroid 2014 RC passed by earth a few months ago, and although it was small, it still managed to clench a lot of buttholes when it was close. 

Earth’s latest not-so-close call with an asteroid got me thinking about how literally everything in the universe wants to kill us all. Not just earthly manifestations either; even shit from space wants to come and metaphorically put it in our butts. 

Still, when we aren’t at risk of being wiped out by giant rocks, there are plenty of earthly things just waiting to wipe out the human race. Spend time in the sun-cancer. Drink diet soda-cancer. Talk on a cellphone-brain cancer. Ask a girl out, get kicked in the nuts. Turn a doorknob-Ebola. Read this story-several gastrointestinal problems. Hell, you can even die from dropping a deuce, like Elvis. 

There is so much stuff out there waiting to kill each and every one of us that I often wonder, “why even get out of bed?” It’s much more plausible to just stay in bed and binge-watch “Scrubs”all day long, never stepping outside and risking destruction. 

People don’t seem to be worried about these gigantic flaming asteroids than they actually are. According to an article on, scientists predict that an asteroid with the ability to actually do widespread damage only comes along every million years or so. 

I’m not worried, though. I like those odds. 

That’s about as often as I have sex, so I’m used to it.