Working college students as spring breakers 2020

We have almost made it, ladies and gents, we are almost there. Spring break — or more like winter break because it is FEBRUARY. The timing is beside the point. The real point is that we get over a whole week, a glorious nine days without any classes or education to worry about.

Now, I know what the majority of you are thinking, what a perfect time to go on vacation! But you know what, not all of us can take the time off work or have enough money to go to Mexico or Jamaica, so fuck you, you lucky bastards. This is not for you because you will be sipping piña coladas on the beach, and I will be shivering my butt off watching your Instagram story. We are not the same. Here are some ideas for the broke, hard-working college student who needs to make the best of the February weather.

Go to the local Walmart

There is literally nothing else to do around here. We are all from small town U.S.A. (why else would we be at Oakland), and we all have our favorite local Walmart. Once youve gone to the run-down movie theater and you’ve eaten at the one chain restaurant, you will be driving around with your pals wondering what else you can do. Some one will hesitantly say, What about the Walmart? and you will all shrug and just go with it. There, you can observe the rotisserie chickens in their natural habitat and find some new type of Oreo to eat. Absolutely wild, right? Your friend in Cabo has no idea what they’re missing.

Hang out with your mom and dad

We love our parents so so much, so what else would we do but want to spend our entire break with them? While all your besties went on a Caribbean cruise without you, there’s nothing like watching “Saturday Night Live” with your momma and pop because you’re home on another Saturday. Again. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but hanging out with them as a last resort isn’t the greatest. You don’t even have homework to distract you from your lack of plans. By the end of break, you’ll be begging to go back to class. 

Go “off the goop” crazy on Feb. 29

Ah, the beloved leap year. I don’t know if y’all know, but it only happens once every four years. Brazy, right? That means this day does not exist and nothing you do counts, so you might as well go all out. Throw an outrageous party, I’m talking about the biggest banger there ever was. I am by no means advocating for any illegal activity, but a lil’ drinkie or two never hurt anyone. Recreational drug use could be fun. There are no rules on Feb. 29, it’s like the extra reward you get for being good for four years straight. It’s like Christmas, but fewer gifts and more wild times. Have so much fun you forget you’re not somewhere warm relaxing.

Now go, and enjoy the best spring break of your life. You might not even notice the 8 a.m. wake ups for work or the under-10-degree weather.