Hallmark movies make me wanna abandon my life and find a husband

It’s the time of year where the carols are crooning, the gingerbread is baking and, of course, the Hallmark Channel is playing. The newest movie “Loving Christmas,” starring that one short blonde girl and that tall hunky lumberjack man from “Christmas in Love” and “Love Christmas Time” is really a show stopper.

“Christmas Loving” is absolutely pure genius, unlike anything else the Hallmark Channel has produced before. With its recycled plot, actors and setting, there is something expertly well-crafted that makes this movie truly one of a kind. 

What sets “In Love with Christmas” apart from any other Hallmark movie is literally nothing. It really makes me nostalgic for every other Hallmark movie in existence. It really allows for the full experience of watching a Hallmark movie, especially my favorite part, guessing the plot —

Young ambitious girl in big city goes back home to small town, where she falls in love with an old flame and with the Christmas spirit. Realizing her dream job with a fat paycheck and swanky apartment is not really her dream, she quits and moves back home to be a Christmas caroler with her high school sweetheart who is somehow both good looking and perfect for her, despite all his flaws. How romantic??? 

“Snowflakes and True Love” hits me right in the feels, just mmm! It makes me realize my own romances are not up to par. Do you hear that, man in my life? Time to step it up. If you don’t make me wanna abandon my life’s work and aspirations, are you really the one for me? 

Where “Christmas Cookies and Romance” falls short is nowhere. It doesn’t have a single flaw. It’s cookie cutter perfect, just like how I expect my life to be. When I’m in my mid to late 20s and I’m ready to settle down, quit my life and start a family, I’m expecting some tall, built, flannel-wearing, wood-chopping breadwinner to sweep me off my feet. Where you at, home boy? I’m waiting.

My absolute favorite part of “Loving Love and Christmasy Christmas” has got to be the ending, hands down. When the home-y macho man finally shows some emotion staring into the fire wishing his girlie hadn’t left him for her fancy job in the big city? On Christmas of all days? And — spoiler alert — when she surprises him by missing her flight and coming back, her bitter heart melted by love and the spirit of Christmas. Hits me in the feels every time! Can someone hand me the tissues?

While “Love Christmas LoVe ChRisTmAs L0v3 Chr1stm4s” is perfect in every way, I’m not sure if I can say it is the best Hallmark movie of all time, you know? There’s just so many good ones to choose from, like “Loving Under the Mistletoe” and one of my personal favorites, “Caroling with Love.” Each one is just so beautiful, how can I decide? 

When cozying up to your holiday sweetheart, just remember that the only kind of love you should strive for is the one on the screen. This movie just reminds us that we aren’t perfect, but with a little more love, a little less ambition and a pinch of Christmas magic, we too could dream of coming close to this Hallmark ideal. Merry Christmas, and happy New Year. 

Rating: 5/5