Satire: A day without Chipotle


On Tuesday, Feb. 9 Chipotle lovers were finally allowed to devour its delicious meals again. 

According to USA Today, Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurants across the nation closed for a few hours on Feb. 8, 2016.  During the closure, the chain will hold a meeting for staff members to address food safety.  This meeting was held to address outbreaks of E. coli and norovirus caused by Chipotle’s food.  

12:45 a.m. – I wake in a cold sweat.  The veggie burrito bowl from lunch still heavy in my stomach.  It’s a three pound comfort as I think about the day ahead.  The day without Chipotle. 

7:00 a.m. – My alarm clock goes off.  I awaken with the renewed hope that can only come with each daybreak.  This hope is soon shattered as I remember what today is.  

9:00 a.m. – A breakfast of oatmeal fills my stomach but cannot quite fill my heart as I long for a spicy burrito.  

11:47 a.m. – My second class of the day gets out. I jump in my car, ready to head to Chipotle.  

12:00 p.m. – I arrive at Chipotle in the Village of Rochester Hills only to remember, yet again, that it is closed for the day as employees are trained in food safety changes.  I sit in my car blasting “Everybody Hurts” as shoppers peek in my car, concerned. 

12:41 p.m. – After wiping away a few stray tears I leave the Chipotle parking lot and head back to school.  

1:12 p.m. – Someone in class mentions avocados. My heart sinks. 

1:15 p.m. – Classmates have noticed my resigned disposition and question me. I inform them that a loved one is unavailable today and I need them back.  

1:20 p.m. – Fellow classmates lose interest once I tell them that the loved one is Chipotle.  

3:42 p.m. – I settle for Moe’s Southwest Grill.  Eating my chips and queso, I thank the burrito gods that Chipotle is addressing the outbreaks of E.coli and other illnesses with this nationwide staff meeting. I know that tomorrow will bring fresher and finer fare from the chain. 

5:26 p.m. – My previous optimism is shrinking as I begin to crave guacamole.  I remind myself that tomorrow at 10 a.m. this nightmare will be over. 

7:02 p.m. – Watching Jeopardy, one of the answers is “the best Mexican food in America.”  I shout at the pixelated Alex Trebek, “what is Chipotle?” The contestant idiotically says “what is Taco Bell?”  Where do they find these contestants? 

9:09 p.m. – Family consoles me and I distract myself with homework.  Less than 12 hours. 

11:31 p.m. – My heart is beating fast in my chest, I feel butterflies in my stomach.  I can’t go to sleep fast enough knowing that tomorrow holds south of the border cuisine. 

12:02 a.m. – I’m dressed in my clothes for tomorrow with my wallet at the ready in my front pocket.  I merely have to jump out of bed in the morning and drive for less than 5 minutes until I’m reunited with my one true love.