After tireless and intense research, I have come to the conclusion that Oakland University has been controlling our grades through a deeply complicated mind control technique — the water is drugged.
I...
Oakland University housing is on the cutting edge of university policies, as they unveil their newest ground-breaking innovation in on-campus safety: the honor system.
Instead of properly compensating...
In a world where Oakland University lies almost empty for an entire summer, the seagulls saw a chance, and they took it. Reread in Don LaFontaine’s voice if you didn’t already — the voice actor not...
Ladies and gentlemen, girls and gays, welcome back to the Oakland Post’s satire section after a long hiatus. In March, we needed to take a pause to focus on some slightly more important issues — we’re...
You’ve already watched “The Office” in its entirety twice, but since you’ve got nothing else to do, now you’ve decided to watch reruns of it on Comedy Central. Soon enough, you’re going to...
My brother and I are best friends, don’t get me wrong, but being stuck in the same house together day-in and day-out is gonna lead to some head butting. Now that we’re older, we don’t fight as much...
I LOVE dogs. I wish I could pet every dog I pass, but the days are just too short for that. If I’ve learned anything over my 21 years of living, it’s that every dog has its very own personality, just...
Aries: March 21-April 19
After decades of soul-searching, you finally realize that you have no soul.
Taurus: April 20-May 20
A reoccurring dream will predict a sudden thrill to make workout...
Botched battery surgery
Three officers were dispatched to Hillcrest Hall on Wednesday, March 4 in response to a fire alarm. Upon arrival, the officers met with the occupant of the room, who was the...
It’s been one week and two days since Gov. Whitmer told us to stay home and stay safe with her executive order to close everything except essential businesses. But, for some reason, people don’t understand...
As the primaries get closer and closer, talk about the presidential candidates has dominated the news cycle for months on end. Who’s going to come out on top? No one can truly know ... or can we?
Bernard...
It is the end of an era, though many might not be aware. After months of rule and a final mad dash for the throne, Pete "the Rat King" Buttigeig has dropped out of the presidential race.
His candidacy...
