Dear He said, She said,

I’m having a big problem. I really like my best friend. We’ve been friends for years and I see him every day. He is sweet and he flirts and cuddles with me all the time. The problem is that he has a girlfriend. He never talks about her or brings her up to me and it seems like he isn’t all that interested in her. I tried to bring it up to him and he didn’t say very much on the subject. Should I forget about him or is he trying to end it with his girlfriend and just doesn’t want to tell me? I can’t stand being around him without him being mine.

Lost and Confused

Dear Lost and Confused,

He said:

Has your best friend had this girlfriend as long as you’ve known him? Strict friends don’t cuddle. Sounds more like a player. You may get your chance someday, because if he’s willing to cuddle with you and flirts relentlessly, he will surely pounce on your generosity when he is in a time of need.

However, those are probably not the stipulations you want this guy. You sound like you want to date and make an honest man of him, but if you are clearly witnessing him on the verge of cheating on his current girlfriend with you, who’s to say he won’t do the same against you?

I think you need to let time take care of this. Posing an ultimatum of him choosing one of you girls is not the way to win a man’s heart. You should make it known that you’re definitely interested in potentially becoming a pair with him, but don’t force the situation.

Go about your life and if you two are good friends and keep in touch, an honest relationship could bloom, but don’t go holding your breath over it.

She said:

Well, what do you consider a best friend that is a guy?  A friend holds your hair back when you deposit Bacardi into the toilet. A friend texts or call you for no good reason. From what you have described, he is a flirt. Pure and simple. He has you wrapped around his finger. He can get free affection when he has problems with his girlfriend or just when he wants it. What’s bad is that you give it freely. It even seems his girlfriend doesn’t know. So, it’s up to you to get everything out in the open. You have two choices — end the sexual tension and just stay friends or run for the hills. Even if you became his girlfriend, what makes you think he won’t sneak around like he is doing with his present girlfriend? You are young. There are plenty of other single guys.