The streets of the Midwest have become clogged with picketing people of the fast food industry, reeking of grease and anger, fighting for better pay to the tune of $15 an hour or more, and all the while the world keeps turning.

If you really think you’re worth that much money, perhaps a switch to a more lucrative career would be a good place to start. Squirting mayonnaise onto soggy buns and dropping a deep-fryer cage is not very hard work, if it can even be merited as being work.

 I’ve served my time at fast food and it’s a thankless job, sure, but I’d never expect such a high rate of pay for such a minimalistic job. Some people aren’t born into good situations, such as Kim and Kanye’s baby, but that itself is another plague on the country’s skin.

Many don’t have many job choices right off the bat and fast food is the only present and plentiful option. I just can’t imagine a world that merits an outstanding compensation for infecting as many people as possible with Type 2 diabetes for a dollar a pop.

 If these picketers really want to move up the food chain, put in your due time and become a manager. Rock that spot and be the best MSG-flipping dictator for a couple years until another employer recognizes your dedication. It’s essentially that experiences that’s the fine line between Taco Bell and Chipotle.

Let me say being both in the food industry at two drastically different points of my life that these jobs are designed for people that don’t care. You can’t have too much of an attachment when success is how many people have strokes from your food. That’s why these part-time gigs are made for high schoolers, college kids in need of some extra cash and retirees waiting to die and aren’t making enough from Social Security.

 You know why wages are so low? Because while all these people chant, someone else is manning the meat patties and making money they didn’t have before because they need it. In Detroit particularly and this financial crisis, more money is going to equal less jobs, thus higher unemployment, which would look real good coupled with chapter 9 bankruptcy.

 More restaurants would have to close and how would we survive without a McDonald’s every five blocks in any given direction? People that need to live under the blanket of tight budgets certainly should be thankful for the dirt-cheap eating options for dirt food. It’s sustenance for a bargain, even if it tastes like buttpaste and you can physically feel your heart rate slow down as you swallow each depressing bite.

If you want $15 an hour, don’t expect two all-beef patties and a half-slab of creamy American cheese for a pocketful of change anymore. 

 Whoever organized the chants of, “No more burgers, no more fries, make our wages super-sized,” clearly weren’t thinking into the long term effects. Fast food workers are replaceable in every sense, in a position requiring little redeeming skills. The more time you spend fighting the power with picket signs, the less money you’re putting in the bank.

Not like it will matter soon — cyborgs will be mass-produced and mass produce our disgusting fartburgers. Put down your signs and get back to work and cry your salty tears while your jobs are still around.