The Oakland Post

Sigh of relief

Contributed by Alexander Stigleman

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There is little worse than walking into the restroom and the only stall open is the middle one.  You set yourself up, but the feet of your fellow males keep stretching into your stall.  They grunt and groan from a different form of childbirth.  

I hover due to a germ phobia so you could say I’m biased in this bathroom topic.  I’m not here to attack the cleanliness.  Props to the janitorial staff.  More so to propose to the architects.  

Privacy is important for many.  With a school full of commuters how about we accommodate?  I suggest completely walled off stalls.  Little rooms for a sanctuary where the porcelain throne sits and waits patiently.  

It could be used to gain admissions.

“…not to mention a top ranked engineering program and isolated toilets.”  

I’m sold.  

It’s not like I’m asking for more parking.  Cough. I’m simply asking for a private place in a public area.  A personal enclosure in an open world.   

Maybe keep extra toilet paper in there so waddling out and risking the chance to be seen pants down nervously flailing at the motion sensor for paper towel doesn’t have to be taken.  

Let us have piece with our relief.  Don’t give it a second thought.  Let it be number one and number two in your minds.  The potty humor is bad, but this pain in my stomach from holding it in is worse.  

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Sigh of relief