He’s a Seoul man

By Josh Soltman

According to the World Food Programme (WFP), nearly 30 percent of North Koreans don’t get enough to eat, and once again North Korea’s fearless leader, Kim Jong Un, doesn’t seem to give a shit. Instead, he is more concerned with “The Interview,” an upcoming film starring Seth Rogen and James Franco that depicts the attempted assassination of Un.

A short trailer for the film was released a few weeks ago, followed shortly after by Un describing the many methods he would use to destroy us. It would be a scary threat in most instances, but since taking over for his father, Un has made empty threat after empty threat. As far as fearsome dictators go, he’s about as bone-chilling as a freshly-crowned baby dolphin born out of wedlock.

The saddest part is that North Korea is one of the most oppressed countries on this spinning rock, all thanks to Un. North Koreans are starved and brutalized while visitors from other countries are detained on a regular basis.

Our only hope for peace laid in the hands of Dennis Rodman; we see how well that worked out.

Un’s response is expected, but completely ridiculous. “The Interview” is not the first movie about presidential assassinations. “Death of a President,” a realistic fictional documentary that portrayed the killing of George W. Bush was controversial to say the least, but even the squirrely Mr. Bush never tried to declare war against anyone; he just (probably) went and drank some brews and snorted some cocaine instead (Harold and Kumar would have been proud).

Ironically, the film about Kim Jong Un is the only presidential assassination flick that is actually a comedy. Seems like a compliment in my book.

However, I’m sure we all remember that wonderful 2004 film “Team America: World Police” in which puppets tried to take out the then-dictator of North Korea, Kim Jong il. Shockingly, he never threatened war against the U.S. for it. Go figure.

Not to say that il didn’t have his flaws–he too seemed to enjoy screwing over his people and alienating his country–but at least he wouldn’t threaten war every other weekend.

And if Franco and Rogen’s past projects are any indication, “The Interview” will more likely be about weed, genitalia-themed puns and an undeniable bromance.

If anything, the film actually gives Un more credibility than is actually due, at least from what we’ve seen in the trailer. Un, who in reality is actually a pudgy little man-boy, is portrayed in the film by an actor who actually looks like a respectable human being, which is more than can be said about Un.

Honestly, his reputation can’t really get any worse at this point. He clearly has no Seoul (I know Seoul is in South Korea but I couldn’t pass it up). A fictional assassination would probably be the best PR he could get.