The girls, gays and theys have been forced to consume the same boring rom coms for years, and we are sick of it. “The Notebook” is both overrated and heteronormative, and even if it is a cult classic, it’s 16 years old. My most loyal fans already know how I feel about Hallmark movies. We need something new — and maybe with a nontraditional couple for once?

I would like to watch a movie with LGBTQIA+ characters without having it be about an illicit love affair or a painful coming out experience. Directors love to use the “overcoming shame” trope when making LGBTQIA+ media — hello, “Love, Simon” — and for once it would be nice to just have one cute happy movie where two idiots fall in love.

We’re getting warmer with the creation of some fresh LGBTQIA+ Y-7 cartoons, but I want to see a live action movie that just ends well and leaves me satiated. 

“Brokeback Mountain” was revolutionary for its time, but my God is it sad. “Carol” also ends terribly, and I wish I could see one wlw couple represented outside of the male gaze. A girl can dream.

If Hollywood won’t do it, someone else has to. Here is my pitch for the perfect rom com.

The scene is set in a crisp Seattle fall. It is not Christian Girl Autumn, but rather sweater weather. The main character, who uses they/them pronouns, is walking the streets and sighing.

They suddenly stop when they see her at Pike’s Place. Who is she? A mysterious, cottagecore farmer selling her wares and excess crops to the locals. Cue love at first sight.

From there, the two engage in witty banter and exchange numbers. We have a beautifully cut montage set to “Strawberry Blonde” by Mitski and everyone is happy and makes plans to attend a Halloween party (because Halloween is for the gays). 

At this Halloween party, they have an incredible matching couples costume as Peter Pan and Wendy, but a stranger dressed as Tinkerbell leaves our favorite pair confused. Conflict ensues, even if just to keep the movie interesting. 

She leaves them to figure themselves out, and the yearning begins. While they had no interest in the Tinkerbell character, she seemed to pick up on some underlying vibes and something felt off. She ignores them until they stop trying, and they lose touch.

Some time later in the future, they are walking the streets and sighing when they are about to pass Pike’s Place. For the nostalgia of it all, they decide to walk around the market. She is there. They dramatically reconnect and fall in love and get married (which hopefully won’t be illegal) and have babies and grow old together. Happily ever after, the end. 

It’s honestly incredible what can be created without including unnecessary trauma and overplayed tropes. Here’s the bones, Hollywood — now make it happen. Please, I am begging.