Show Thanksgiving some respect you hooligans

Michael Pearce, Sports Editor

I’m disgusted.

I cannot believe the blatant disrespect that is being shown to the best holiday around. Have you no manners? Who raised you?

Christmas is awesome, I know. There is no debating that the holly jolly gift-giving season is one of the best around. But come on, are we just going to ignore the fact that almost exactly a month before Christmas is a wonderful day full of fun, laughs and obesity? I’m talking Thanksgiving, baby.

Thanksgiving is a fantastic holiday. Everyone gathers around the table to enjoy delicious food prepared by their loved ones. Thanksgiving is wonderful because it encourages one of the best parts of humanity: Pigging out to no end. Perhaps one of the best things that humans do is the entire focus of this holiday. To me, that is magical.

I’m going to be real with you all, as I often am. Turkey is the worst part of Thanksgiving. Legit the worst part of my plate, I couldn’t care less about turkey. It’s dry, it’s bland and it just makes you sleepy.

The best part of this magical holiday is without a doubt the sides. The turkey can get off my plate, because the only things I care about when it comes to the main feast are those SIDES. Those mouth-watering, juicy, delectable, soul-cleansing sides that can set a man on the right path in life.

I’m talking beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes, lambs, rams, hogs, dogs, chicken, rabbit, you name it! There is no better feeling than going back for seconds on cheesy potatoes and stuffing. The carbs and fats that occupy my stomach make me feel human again. It is truly the best meal I will have all year. It’s time we show this holiday some damn respect. This disrespect is too much.

All I hear come Nov. 1 is Mariah Carey and Michael Bublé singing Christmas songs. It’s ridiculous. I think that from Nov.1 to Thanksgiving Day it should be mandated that every radio station and department store play the Thanksgiving food trap remix song on loop. Respect the holiday that we woke individuals call “stuff-your-face day.”

Don’t get me wrong, Christmas is cool. Mad props to Christmas. It is appropriately named the most wonderful time of the year. The problem I have is the fact that some people are so excited for Christmas that they just flat-out ignore the beautiful gem of November.

This year, I have one thing I want all of you Golden Grizzlies to do. I want you all to enjoy your Thanksgiving break, and stuff your face until you feel like you might puke. You will thank me later. I think all year I’ve had some strange calls to action, but this is the best one I’ve ever had. Go home, tell your parents to make triple the usual amount of sides and then take a thick nap for your boy.