The Oakland Post

SATIRE: The glory of the Great American Road Trip

Patrick Sullivan, Web Editor

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Road-tripping across the US of A has been an American staple since this nation’s founding. Starting with the founding fathers taking a quick trot over to see Mount Rushmore after a tough week of fighting Brits, taking a road trip has historically been a great way to relieve stress.

Often grouped together with going on a road trip are seeing any of America’s really big things. This country is so great that we have so many of the world’s biggest objects. From rocking chairs to pencils to balls of paint, America can take pride in the fact that we have so many ridiculously big items that definitely aren’t used to compensate for anything.

Naturally, being a born and bred American, it has been a dream of mine since I was a wee babe to go on a road trip to see the world’s biggest ball of twine. Just recently I got an opportunity to live out that dream, and boy, was it exactly what you think it would be.

That’s right, it was amazing.

The Great American Road Trip is a rite of passage for many citizens wanting to become more patriotic, and the 977 mile, 14-hour drive to Cawker City, Kan. was a majestic, life-altering journey.

I have to say, the beauty of these United States was on full display during my odyssey west. While driving along the three interstates that took me to Kansas and back, I got to see so much of the tear-jerkingly beautiful efficiency of our country’s transcontinental highways, as well as so many of this country’s excellent construction crews. Alongside these roads, I got to see so much of America’s natural beauty that you just don’t get to see in Michigan, such as the many trees and cows along the interstate.

When I finally made it to Kansas and the state’s crown jewel, which happened to be very large and made of twine, I was in awe. Cawker City—next to New York and Chicago in terms of great American cities—was beautiful in itself. The sprawling city covers one square mile, and its population of around 400 people I’m sure would’ve been super nice and welcoming if any of them were around.

The ball of twine itself looms over the city like a benevolent god, and rightfully so. The twine ball seemed to hold all of life’s answers in its core, and just glancing at it was life changing.

It was so inspiring, I stayed and looked at it for a whole five minutes before getting back in my car and starting the long 14-hour drive back.

Now, weeks later, I’m back in same old Michigan, and I can honestly say the trip changed my life for the better, and that I’ve grown wiser and smarter because of it.

Mainly because I now know to never go to Kansas again.

I wasn’t kidding.

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