SATIRE: 10 media buzzwords that will piss you off

Simon Albaugh, Social Media Editor

Just like 2016, this year hasn’t been the greatest. There’s been a lot of political aggression, presidential craziness and, you know, Nazis.

So to help you out, I thought I’d make some things a little bit more clear. Most media sources use key words to make articles be easily searchable. Those key words also dilute the quality of journalism by placing more emphasis on ad revenue. (So if you guys could actually pay for your journalism… that would be great.)

But in the meantime, when you see these things, know they’re just a vie for attention by some of the news organizations. This doesn’t mean the journalism is bad, it just means there’s a limit on the amount of events people can pay attention to.

So without further ado, here is the unequivocal list of all the current media buzzwords that need to be given critical attention before continuing on to the rest of the story. It’s important to understand that these things can have nothing to do with the event being reported on, but still have major attention in the story.

  • Republican/Democrat: No matter what I have to say, you know which one is the good guys and which one is the authoritarian attempt to take over the government.
  • Fascism: When you’re trying to figure out whether to disavow or to gloss over white nationalists, just remember that a Nazi flag isn’t all that morally ambiguous.
  • Fake News: Becoming synonymous with whatever doesn’t fit a person’s worldview, it’s a great way of identifying people who weren’t lucky enough to get a good education.
  • Radical (You fill in the blank): Used to describe skateboard tricks and ISIS. Big difference. Big. Difference.
  • Feminism: Let’s face it. If you’re that threatened by women’s rights, how much of a man can you really call yourself?
  • Russia: 10 million Russians died in political prisons. I’m not one to judge, but I think they’re still the bad guys in this day and age.
  • “Lock Her Up”: You know Roger Stone? When he was 19 years old, he had an idea to spy on what the democrats were up to. You might know that as the Watergate scandal. You know who made the “Lock Her Up” saying? Roger Stone.
  • Kneeling: There’s a time and a place to protest in a way that doesn’t offend people. And that’s in your own home, by yourself, so that no one can hear or see you. Basically, there’s no good way to protest without pissing people off.
  • Presidential: I’m not one to tell other people how to act, but if you could at least pretend not to be such a psychopathic narcissist, that would be great.
  • Net Neutrality: We could stop giving money to all our internet providers, essentially gutting their bargaining power with congress and forcing them to follow FCC regulations. But I’m not willing to go without internet. Are you?