Little Caesars Arena: Is it racist?

Stephen Armica, Satirist

The Oakland Post’s coverage of important issues in Detroit has brought us to the center of a very recent controversy. Specifically, many activists feel sickened by the booking of a musician who appropriated his artistic style from African Americans while performing on a stage decorated by the confederate flag. But, the opposing view won’t stop reminding interviewers that Kid Rock SAID he wasn’t a racist.

So in the spirit of a fair and balanced debate, we’re welcoming chief satirist Stephen Armica to represent the disgusted side of the activists, as well as William Smith, a straight-edged conservative with a handgun collection. The Post kindly reminded William not to indulge us on how many handguns he can fit on his person at any given time.

Stephen Armica: Let me just start the debate by saying that I respect William Smith, but his opinions are dumb and I hate them.

William Smith: Sticks and stones may break my boats, but Hillary lost the votes.

Moderator: Okay, let’s focus up guys. What do you think of the recent controversy over Little Caesars Arena?

Armica: I think it’s the same thing that this fascist country always does: screw over the people.

Moderator: For the record, America is not a fascist country. It’s a democratic one.

Armica: Yeah, that’s what the fascists would tell you.

Moderator: Moving on… William, what do you think of the backlash coming from booking Kid Rock?

Smith: I think it’s absolutely stupid. I’m trying to get drunk while I’m in line for the concert and I hear these people walking down the street, blocking traffic and carrying flags that don’t even make sense. I just… I just really wanted to get drunk in peace.

Moderator: But is there a political reason for standing against the protesters?

Smith: If by politics, you mean beer. Then yes, there is a reason.

Moderator: Well then Stephen, what’s the purpose of protesting this if the concert’s already nearly set in stone?

Armica: Well for one, you get to voice your opinions about this grave mistake made by the organizers at Little Caesars Arena, which is partially tax-funded. And two, most of the people here REALLY like protesting. So there’s that.

Moderator: Yeah, I suppose it’s really fun to block traffic for two hours. Now William, how do you expect Kid Rock fans to respond to this? Will there be a counter-protest?

Smith: I believe there is going to be a counter-protest. The Charlottesville people are still angry about…

Moderator: Nope, nope, I don’t even want to know about that one. Stephen, do you have any closing remarks? William, you’ve lost speaking privileges.

Armica: Only that I hope America will wake up to its own mistakes.

Moderator: Yeah, I really don’t like either of you.