Hello, peasants. Lady Grace here.

I’m going to be honest – I’d rather not be on campus.

Why? Too many people. Too many cars. Too many fluorescent lights. It’s just too much.

But you know what else we’re not missing? Romance. There are many places that couples can go to really feel a connection and ampeth up their love lives.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching and many of you poor souls campus-bound, my handsome knight, Sir Sams-a-Lot (who just so happens to be the Post’s sports editor), and I found spots at OU where we gotteth our passion on. Take it from the experts and check it out. But you may have to fight us for access to these spaces.

Traffic circles: We took a romantic stroll to the traffic circle at the main entrance, and then dashed across the street. Such excitement, to dodgeth traffic with your sweetheart! No one was there and obviously the people in the cars zooming by took no notice of us. This grassy oasis would be an excellent spot for a picnic, and who doesn’t love the smell of car exhaust? If you’re looking for something a little more dangerous (*wink*) the traffic circle near the parking garages is smaller and circled by angry drivers who can’t find a spot in P1.

Illegal parking spots: Since horses aren’t allowed on campus, (see ordinance 4.14 in the “University Housing Student Handbook”) my valiant knight and I have to drive here. We make the best of the situation by parking illegally and making outeth in the car. Knowing that an OUPD officer could trotteth by at any given moment to give us a ticket makes the whole affair waaaaay sexier. I’m telling you people, danger and passion go hand-in-hand.

Third floor of Kresge: This is where I knighted Sir Sams-a-Lot, so it has special significance for us. He wore his armor and I wore my medieval princess dress, so our clanking and rustling echoedeth in the silence. Swords are heavier than they look, so I accidentally dropped it with a crash on my knight’s shoulders instead of just touching them. People stared in awe at our magnificence, and one person was so mystified that he asked us to leave. Ah, the class divide between the nobility and peasants.

The fish bowl in South Foundation Hall: With all of the windows, there’s such a beautiful view. And who doesn’t love baked goods? My darling and I shared a brownie and kiss and watched the students rush to their classes and ignore the “no smoking” signs outside.

The food court in the OC: So much space, so many tables and chairs. So when Sir Sams-a-Lot said, “My Lady Grace, may I haveth this dance?” Of course I said, “Yes, though shalt.” And we doth did that dancing! What a surprise when he brought out all of the best musicians from King Arthur’s castle in Camelot! We interrupted the food lines and crashedeth into a few people, knocking their food on the floor. Stay out of the way of dancing people.

Thou art welcome, dear readers, for my wisdom. I hopeth that you haveth a grand Valentine’s Day and taketh advantage of these spots at OU. But please don’teth get hitteth by a car.