Oakland University's independent student newspaper.

The Oakland Post

Freshman Friday is real

By Kaseb Ahmad

April 27, 2014

Filed under Satire, Satire / Mouthing Off

This is a personal message to all incoming freshmen. Freshman Friday is real.Every high school horror story you heard? They are coming back to haunt you on your way to college. You thought you finally outgrew the childish nose pick...

Clowning around is serious business

By Brian Figurski

April 15, 2014

Filed under Satire, Satire / Mouthing Off

Golden Grizzlies, it comes with great ambivalence that I give my last formal address, for some foolish human up the administrative ladder has determined I have sacrificed enough time and money to be granted a piece of paper with m...

Keep your pants on

By Scott Wolchek

April 8, 2014

Filed under Satire, Satire / Mouthing Off

Last week, I walked into the bathroom to one of the strangest sights a guy can see—a grown man using the urinal with his pants around his ankles.Most boys stop doing that around the age of five. It doesn’t take that much coord...

It’s the end of the world as we know it

By Josh Soltman

April 1, 2014

Filed under Satire, Satire / Mouthing Off

Civilization is doomed. Life as we know it is ending. So grab a case of beer and that stack of Playboys and head to the basement, because the end is nigh.OK, maybe we aren’t completely doomed yet. How many times have we been ...

Mouthing Off: Not your momma’s breakfast burrito

By Brian Figurski

March 25, 2014

Filed under Satire, Satire / Mouthing Off

Usually I try not to get lit in the morning. I find that cracking open a bottle is like opening a can of Pringles – once you pop, you literally cannot stop until you pass out in a fireball of vomit. Or whatever the slogan i...

TOP 10 reply-allmailgeddon 2014

By Scott Wolchek

March 12, 2014

Filed under Satire

10. Alivia Gappy - I think this is the most interesting thing that’s happened to OU all year.9. Alexia Atkins - can we just continue this? It’s like having real friends8. Anthony Weed - So did anyone actually take poor jas...

Throw away your television

Throw away your television

February 18, 2014

Curse of the Oakland Center circle: proven

By Scott Wolchek

February 4, 2014

Filed under Satire

It’s circular, enchanted with dark magic− and most of us have stepped on it. The circle in front of the Oakland Center has long been rumored to be imbued with evil forces, and now it’s been verified.“I was a 4.0 studen...

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