The Oakland Post

If you give a college student homework…

Katelyn Hill, Staff Reporter

February 19, 2020

Do y’all remember that book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” from your younger years? Or that stupid pencil one where if you don’t have a pencil you’ll end up homeless? Well, if you give a college student homework, esp...

Best ways to enjoy this Valentine’s Day

Lauren Karmo, Campus Editor

February 12, 2020

Everyone has such strong opinions about Valentine's Day, but I'm here to tell you it's really no big deal. There's so much pressure to be in a relationship and do something special or to not be in a relationship and hate everything...

When the rats rule Iowa, democracy collapses

Ben Hume, Web Editor

February 12, 2020

Allow yourself to imagine, for a moment, the greatest disaster to occur during the era of humankind. Something of a magnitude rivaling two Titanics sinking side-by-side into an endangered wildlife reserve and then blowing up an ...

The dirty truth behind the open concept Bear Cave

Michael Pearce, Sports Editor

February 12, 2020

Anyone who has walked through the Oakland Center has inevitably been assaulted with loud screams, yells and curse words coming from the Bear Cave. The Bear Cave is Oakland University's premiere gaming center, where students...

I have the coronavirus and I don’t like it.

Lauren Karmo, Campus Editor

February 5, 2020

My loyal readers, even the deathless death couldn't stop me from feeding you another delicious satire this week. I know you read the headline, so I'll save you the time — yes it is true. I have it. I am sitting in my bed, writing...

An easy solution to your February depression

Ben Hume, Web Editor

February 5, 2020

The air is frigid. My lungs are cold. The sun is gone. I got depression.  Michigan winters hit hard, and there’s no worse time than the beginning of February to remind you that your vitamin D stores dried up weeks ago a...

I can’t get JB’s yummy yum out of my mind

Lauren Karmo, Campus Editor

January 29, 2020

Our man Justin Bieber has done some wack shit, but now I really don’t know what this dude is on. When he released “Yummy” on Jan. 3, my guy really thought he was dropping a banger. He was wrong. Where do I even begin...

Mike Pompeo defends sexist attack by urinating out window

Ben Hume, Web Editor

January 29, 2020

Mike Pompeo was called out early last weekend for verbally assaulting veteran reporter and resident badass Marie Louise Kelly. Kelly was reporting for NPR on Iran and Ukraine and did a nine-minute interview with the Secretary of...

Introducing Moodle+

Michael Pearce, Sports Editor

January 29, 2020

Administration announced last Thursday, Jan. 30 that Moodle would be receiving an upgrade starting in September 2020. Moodle will be offering a paid subscription service for all students at $5.99 per month, called “Moodle+.” Moodle+...

Party ogres that live in the apartment above you prove that vigilante justice is sometimes OK

Ben Hume, Web Editor

January 19, 2020

The apartment above Oakland University student Biff Miller, 21, was the site of the largest rager the university had ever recorded. Registering as a 2.4 on the Richter scale, the party continued for a marathon length of 14 hou...

President’s security advisers forget which Middle Eastern country to bomb

Ben Hume, Web Editor

January 15, 2020

Intelligence reports released last week from the Pentagon revealed internal discussions on pressing security threats to the United States. All of the threats came from countries in the Middle East, and each of the pages of the se...

Women’s Rights? Kitchen, here I come

Lauren Karmo, Campus Editor

January 8, 2020

So I have finally decided to quit my education, settle down and find a man with a house and a kitchen for me to make sandwiches in. I know, you all have been begging me to shut up since I’ve joined The Post, and you’re finally ...

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