Satire – The Oakland Post

SATIRE: Missing yOU

June 6, 2018

Filed under Satire

Dear Oakland, It has been almost a month and a half since we were separated by the cruelty of the winter semester ending. I long for you like no other. Since I’ve been gone, I have no words to describe the pain I am in w...

SATIRE: Why it’s sometimes OK to abandon your hopes and dreams

April 10, 2018

SATIRE: Spooky sightings on campus

Michael Pearce, Staff Reporter

April 10, 2018

Filed under Satire

With Friday the 13th rapidly approaching, Oakland University students are already seeing signs of the spiritual world coming to life. The spirits are reportedly only able to be seen by the sophomore through senior classes. “I...

SATIRE: Six ways to make money while sitting on your lazy ass

Michael Pearce, Staff Reporter

March 27, 2018

Filed under Satire

1. Drive people from their residence hall to their parking spot Parking at Oakland is… less than ideal. So, when it gets into the wee hours of the night, especially in the cold months. You can sit outside of any residenc...

SATIRE: More than a chef

Michael Pearce, Staff Reporter

March 20, 2018

Filed under Satire

The three necessities for survival in human beings are air, water and Dennis’ cooking. Commuters know nothing about this man and what he means to residents on campus who eat in the Vandenberg Dining Hall. For residents like...

SATIRE: What the OC construction is really about

March 6, 2018

SATIRE: An open letter on spring break

February 27, 2018

SATIRE: Obituary for Stephen Armica

Simon Albaugh, The real Stephen Armica

February 27, 2018

Filed under Satire

Stephen Armica, our beloved fictitious humor writer, has left us. In an effort to maintain the memory of his legacy, we wanted to list some of the truly amazing things he has done. When he first started working here, he...

SATIRE: Valentine’s Day guide by someone who’s never had a girlfriend

February 12, 2018

SATIRE: Because you a**holes keep asking for horoscopes

February 6, 2018

SATIRE: Why student loans would be sociopathic jerks

January 30, 2018

SATIRE: Student rethinks college career after answering wrong during class

Patrick Sullivan, Contributor

January 30, 2018

Filed under Satire

No person on Earth can escape the grasp of humiliation once it takes its hold, and it is a grip that Ernest Hamilton has become all too familiar with over the past few days. It was a cold day at Oakland University, a day like any other fo...