The Oakland Post

The ideal LGBTQIA+ rom com

October 26, 2020

The girls, gays and theys have been forced to consume the same boring rom coms for years, and we are sick of it. “The Notebook” is both overrated and heteronormative, and even if it is a cult classic, it’s 16 years old. M...

Donald ‘J. for Genius’ Trump is an illiterate brat

October 21, 2020

Network news begin search for worst debate moderators

October 21, 2020

Vice Presidential debate fly interviewed by DNC strategists

October 14, 2020

The Oakland Post was lucky enough to secure an interview with the I-696 ooze.

‘Life as festering seepage is not all it’s cracked up to be’: Our Exclusive Interview With I-696 Ooze

October 4, 2020

Himbos are the superior breed of man

Lauren Karmo, Staff Reporter

September 30, 2020

After seeing the “Da Vinky?” video this past week, I have only solidified the idea that himbos are, in fact, the best group of men on planet Earth. Step aside jocks and simps, the himbos are here to stay. For those who m...

Don’t be a Democrat—here’s how to actually stall a new Supreme Court nomination

Ben Hume, Web Editor

September 23, 2020

Lindsey Graham (R-SC), Chairman of the Senate Committee on the Judiciary, mourned the passing of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (RBG) by taking her final wishes and pissing all over them. Ginsburg’s final wish, spoken...

Arts students squished into Pillsbury dough tube

Emily Morris, Managing Editor

September 16, 2020

Crumbling Varner Hall has at last been replaced by a facility that keeps up with the times and has high-class instruments for music, theater and dance students. After tirelessly requesting, students in the arts can climb out o...

MMA smackdown results in heartbreaking loss for beanie baby of Kennedy dynasty

Lauren Karmo, Campus Editor

September 9, 2020

In a heated battle between incumbent (and king) Sen. Ed Markey and fresh-faced beanie baby Rep. Joe Kennedy III, the Green New Deal champ came out on top for another progressive win for the radical left. As some of you may have h...

The water is the reason we fail our classes. Trust me.

Water mind control drug will make you fail your classes

August 31, 2020

Housing implements honor system to dispel guests

Michael Pearce, Editor-in-Chief

August 24, 2020

Oakland University housing is on the cutting edge of university policies, as they unveil their newest ground-breaking innovation in on-campus safety: the honor system. Instead of properly compensating night watch employees to enforc...

Anti-maskers force seagulls into higher education

Emily Morris, Managing Editor

August 24, 2020

In a world where Oakland University lies almost empty for an entire summer, the seagulls saw a chance, and they took it. Reread in Don LaFontaine’s voice if you didn’t already — the voice actor not the Subaru dealership...