I have a well-trained poker face. I am a master of indifference. I wear nothing on my extremely professional sleeve. There is no smiling in journalism.
You are in the Mouthing Off archive:
Labor Day weekend is, to many, the bittersweet end of summer. For me, it ushers in the war on anxiety.
Sometimes you have to choose the best of three evils in politics
Orientation? More like, borientation. That was funny. That seemingly endless onslaught of sleep-inducing speeches known as ‘orientation,’ was not funny. Fortunately for you, I have compiled a list of ways to survive. Here are the Top 10 ways to make it through orientation.
Hey guys, it’s me again. You must not have gotten my last letter about your commercials, so I will have to rewrite it and update it. You need to stop airing these awful commercials, because they make me want to punch children and such.
Souless matter wonders why it can’t be the home to overbooked housing students
America, known for blind overconfidence and being the best at everything has been smashing records all year long. Setting extreme heat waves, creating The Expendables 2 and having the biggest presidential election to date, America is setting records left and right.
"The bears will help the university with branding problems"
Dear American citizens and lawmakers, (I would address this to New Jersey, but I think somebody will need to read this out loud for them anyways), In the words of Ron White: “You can’t fix stupid.” But apparently, you can fine stupid. This has been recently proved in Fort Lee, New Jersey (seriously, where else would idiocy reach new heights?) where police have begun issuing $85 jaywalking tickets to those who walk around city streets while texting on their phones.
Despite that harrowing tale which began the downward spiral that is my love life, it was a social learning experience necessary to the growth of a malleable human brain. It perturbs me that school kids these days are facing banishment from institutions for multitudes of measly incidents.
The phrase, “utterly useless and makes me question the competence of my (apparently) criminally moronic species” is thrown around a lot these days. It fits best, however, in a rant about the ridiculous things that can be found for sale on the Internet and what it says about the future of our kind.
The end is almost here. The finish line is just in reach. All that is left are these dreaded finals.
With so much on the plates of Golden Grizzlies this month, we understand the relentless need to relieve some stress. Well, most likely after finals are over, but we’d like to think you’ll get to some comic relief remedies sooner than later.
I find it slightly unnerving that the month of April has been tagged “Stress Awareness Month,” yet I have to hurdle over tufts of hair students have ripped out of their scalps studying tediously.
There have only been a handful of commercials in the last few years that successfully told us, the consumer, what the product was about memorably and that didn’t bother/annoy/lie to us.
I would flush a toilet 600 million times. I would invest in a multimedia department for The Oakland Post that actually did its job. I would buy my place of employment and immediately close it. I would pay to have your vocal chords ripped out if you utter that question to me once more.
Ah, it’s that time of the year again. The time for warm weather, bright sunshine, relaxing days on the beaches of Mexico, and fun-filled nights at their bars. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about: Spring Break. Where and when else can an 18-year-old get straight-up obliterated other than in Mexico on Spring Break? Only one problem. Traveling there sucks.
If the cries of rapture are true and these are the last nights on Earth, these are some of the most sought-after activities on our bucket list.
Oakland University is electric. Students scuttling across campus in sandals and shorts, Frisbees flying across rolling green lawns, hammock-seated scholars swaying in the breeze, unicyclists speeding over the Beer Lake bridge.
I remember a time when you actually had to interact with someone in person to resolve an issue. For me, this usually ended in a bloody nose and running home to my mother. Now every intimate debacle is posted on the web for the world of spectators to judge, like and hashtag.