Expert Tip: No Bathroom Eating
I am new to this fine university, but in my short tenure attending classes this summer, I’m going to give you freshmen a breakdown of how to survive this school year without ripping your hair out of your scalp.
You are in the Mouthing Off archive:
Anthony case is an American media melee
The American judicial system has reached a new low, and we can thank the media for fueling that. On July 5, 25-year-old Casey Anthony, indicted on charges of first-degree murder of her 3-year-old daughter, Caylee Anthony, was found not guilty in the state of Florida. People seem to forget that in this country you have to prove someone committed a crime, not put him or her on TV and say they did something.
A fate worse than death
I am going to go ahead and make an ass out of the both of us and assume that you are fully aware of the death of Osama bin Laden. Killing terrorists. It’s as much an American cliché as apple pie and baseball, right?
Not your average Oscar Mayer weiner
Finally! The cosmos could not have aligned at a better moment. Being a humor ‘writer’, I am so excited I can douse this page with genital jokes and it fits in perfectly with the times. After all, bathroom jokes are my alma mater. Now I just have to wait for Steve Skidmark to take position [...]
Sequester me from summer sequels
All I see is a slew of sequels that render my face red and prompt me to attack yet another media outlet. Does Hollywood even have creativity anymore?
Horrid disease hits campus community
An unfortunate scourge has sprung its roots and reared its indifferent head on our sleepy Rochester campus. It strikes its victims not physically, like most afflictions, but emotionally, rendering them apathetic toward even the most appealing of events.
Hey, NFL — I’m really mad at you
What? There are vapid disagreements over how to divvy up multiples of billions of dollars? Is this league full of crybabies?
Are lunar theories just loony?
Urgent news alert: The culprit behind the recent events affecting the planet unveiled itself over the weekend. The answer to the sudden increase in tidal surges, massive earthquakes and epic amounts of winning has come to a head.
Technology is scamming us
Steve Jobs ... you force me to make a citizen's arrest for the crime of time theft.
Sex, drugs and tiger blood
Charlie Sheen claims he is sober, but he sure acts like a nutcase.
