As the semester comes to an end, we decided to take a look back. We decided to dust off our old Facebook albums and see how far we have come since our high school days. To our horror, we found a huge misstep. As we clicked through our “sUmMeR <3 2009” pictures, unfamiliar rag-tag gals were tossing up Wu-Tang signs in a terrifying sepia sequence.
Great Odin’s raven! Another academic year is at its end. How did that happen? Wasn’t I just preparing for the rapture, the end of the Mayan calendar, Valentine’s Day?
Two weeks ago, my life on the Internet came screeching to a halt. Twitter suspended my account. Gone were the days of retweets and direct messages. My thoughts, once perfectly trained to think in 140 characters or less, were left to wonder.
You don’t need me to tell you that you shouldn’t drink and drive, but arguably just as important is the fact you should not drink and text either. Somehow, when we become inebriated, our phones become a magical source of wonder, beckoning us to use them. “Come on! Text people! It can’t hurt and it will certainly not come back to bite you,” my phone said. In retrospect, I should not have listened. But now you can learn from my mistakes. Here are the top 10 reasons why you should not drink and text:
You see, when I was a young boy at the age of three, my parents wanted to pull a prank on me. They thought that it would be funny to take me to see “Jurassic Park,” grab a large popcorn, sit back and enjoy watching my reactions to Velociraptors and a T-Rex hunting pre-teens and archaeologists.
March seems to be a stressful time for students. The winter semester is winding down and a barrage of final exams and essays breaths down the necks. There are too many distractions going on for me to keep my focus. Kids screaming about their Madness brackets, the growing urge to enjoy the extra hour of daylight. In my time of turmoil, I consistently turn back to the same thing – Bejeweled Blitz, the biggest waste of time to which I have become attached.
As you all know by now, last week was the OUSC elections. For President/Vice President, you had three options to choose from — the two pairs of candidates, and then the magical “write-in” option.
The dangerous parking lots of Oakland leave their mark…on my car’s doors. Throughout the nearly four years that I’ve been an Oakland student, I’ve learned a lot of things about the campus. Here are a few examples of the things that I’ve learned.
I’ve noticed that the use of “really?” is used as a common comeback by a lot of people, both intelligent and, well, not. I know it seems like a useful retort as you are blatantly humiliating the naysayer by openly questioning the logic behind his or her argument, but come on. We can do better than that, especially as university kids.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell (and the second I said that, half of you probably shouted into the sky with anger) recently decided that it would be a good idea to put a new rule into place stating that players may no longer use their helmets when attempting to break through a tackle or a blocker.
I don’t know about any of the other Netflix addicts out there, but I’m pretty sure that I’m being haunted by the buffering symbol. To be specific my dreams have stopped mid-sentence in order to load the rest, and even worse than that, sometimes they’ve gone from HD to Standard-Def in an instant.
There have been a lot of people coming out of the woodwork against bullying lately, and it’s really making me want to pummel someone into oblivion. Now I’m not pro-bullying in any way. It’s more of an anti-anti-bullying. It’s a movement that doesn’t get enough support, double-anti bullying – to protect the right to build self-confidence and character through personal triumph and overcoming all odds (or as I call it for short… never mind.)
When the Human Health Building opened on campus, like many of you I was baffled. When I went to park near the building, I was confronted with a sign that read, “FUEL –EFFICIENT VEHICLE PARKING ONLY.” What does this mean?
Oakland University has recently received a donation worth millions of dollars to build a new clock tower. While that may be useful to those in a hurry to go back to 1985 in their DeLorean, I can’t help but wonder if this is the best use of the money. Personally, if I were going to make a few improvements around campus, I’d go with a cheaper idea that students may appreciate more. We need adult-sized desks.
McDonald’s is one of the world’s largest fast-food chains. They also happen to serve some of the largest people in the world, but that may be just coincidence. Burger King is essentially the same thing, but they sell frozen Coke and have made their chicken nuggets shaped like lightning bolts and crowns, which was cool. Beside that, they are both just as good-tasting, and just as bad for your health.
I have good news and bad news for you, Oakland University. Good news: Four Michigan universities have made it within the top 30 growing campuses for www.SeekingArrangement.com, a website setting up young, money-hungry college students with older, lonesome souls with excess cash. Bad news: You're not on the list.
To my fellow Valentine’s Day-daters out there, it is a well known fact that the stress of a date can be similar to that of an exam. So here is the study guide.
It’s not as if I set out to spy on my fellow Grizzlies. It’s just so many of you can’t seem to monitor the levels of your voices. Apparently some of you labor under the delusion that invisible walls surround every table and booth in the common areas. Well, they don’t. But take solace, friends. You are far more entertaining than any television program.
Last week, a woman from St. Louis, Mo. was fired from an Applebee’s after posting a snapshot on Reddit of a guest’s unique message scrawled onto a credit card receipt. The note, left by a pastor, read, “I give God 10 percent, why do you get 18?” in reference to the automatic gratuity added to large parties, and then drew a big fat zero for the additional tip. She also scribbled out the tip’s 18 percent gratuity, like that’s a merit for reimbursement. I am infinitely jealous of the infamy. I think about the lengths I have gone to make my receipts go viral, and this sorry sucker doesn’t even want it. She even got the poor waitress fired.
We owe you an explanation, preferably in English. We had a bit of a snafu last week. If you’ve seen our Jan. 25 issue, you will have noticed some ‘creative writing’ on the front page. It was littered with placeholder text. Many of you have kindly pointed out our error. Thank you sincerely for pointing out our successes as well… We ask you this defensive, pseudo-sensitive question: Aren’t we all just placeholders for something else, anyway?
