The Oakland Post

Top 10 ways to survive orientation

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Orientation? More like, borientation.

That was funny. That seemingly endless onslaught of sleep-inducing speeches known as ‘orientation,’ was not funny.

Fortunately for you, I have compiled a list of ways to survive. Here are the Top 10 ways to make it through orientation.

10. Demand a bathroom break when you pass any and all restrooms.

9. Pull a “Parent Trap” and have someone sub in for you for a bit while you take a much-needed break from the tour.

8. Pick a certain word, like ‘Oakland’, ‘freshman’, ‘student’, etc., and hug a certain person every time you hear it.

7. Come dressed as the MSU Spartan mascot, with sword and shield, and proclaim, “WHERE IS THAT GRIZZLY BEAR?”

6. Come in full Batman costume and shout “SWEAR  TO ME” in your best Christian Bale voice to everyone.

5. Fake a deadly fear of bears, and scream whenever you see the grizzly logo.

4.  As your group walks from building to building, moon walk alongside them, making Michael Jackson-esque shrieks throughout.

3. Any time you pass someone who is not from your tour group, whisper, “help us.”

2. React to everything you’re told like it was the most surprising news you have ever received.

1. Don’t go.