Oakland Post Top Ten: Real reasons for the tuition hike

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Posted: Tuesday, September 14th, 2010 at 10:25 pm | Last Updated: Friday, November 19th, 2010 at 2:48 am
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Oakland Post Top Ten10. Hiring extra security for tryouts of The Grizz. The identity of The Grizz  is a trade secret, like the formula for Coca-Cola.

9. Outfitting the Bear Bus with spinners, ground effects, and nitrous oxide.

8. Strengthening WXOU’s signal by 50 percent. College radio can now be heard clearly in the parking lot of Red Ox.

7. Constructing an invisible deer reflector shield. Deer are harmlessly repelled back into traffic.

6. Creating a new wing of the OUPD devoted entirely to giving out parking tickets.

5. Promoting OU’s football team: Undefeated since 1957!

4. Relocating Gary Russi’s bat cave. Currently in his “Dark Knight” phase, Russi must stay on the lam to keep his friends safe and his enemies guessing.

3. Jetsons-style moving walkway to Pawley Hall. Construction time: eight years.

2. A lengthy campaign to retrieve the bike share bike from Beer Lake. Three people were lost in the effort.

1. Creating a more extensive “You Can Afford This” campaign.

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  • Nick

    10) To further empower the financial aid department in their attacks on students
    09) If they don’t raise tuition they won’t seem like “A real College”
    08) Hire union busters to ensure the teachers never strike again
    07) To ensure they can rent the Pontiac Silverdome sign for the next 20 years
    06) They actually turn on the water fountain in front of the library
    05) Man servants for the 40 executives
    04) More “sponsored news articles” telling students it’s not paying for the medical school
    03) They don’t know how to do anything else
    02) 25% annual raises for the vice presidents
    01) Someone has to pay the money

  • D

    Isn’t number 6 already true? That’s all I ever see them doing…