10 ways to sneak homework on a date during finals week
November 29, 2016
Filed under Satire
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With finals coming just as quickly as the damn Christmas music, there’s only so much time that can be used for studying.
So, the general consensus right now is that studying will be the most important thing. But unfortunately, that’s not how it’s going to end for some of you.
For those who actually have hope for the holidays (unlike me), there will be some sort of romantic interruption. Maybe your girlfriend texts to ask if you’ll get coffee with her, or that guy in your 300-level class asks you to dinner.
Do you politely tell them that you’ll be free after your last final and hope they understand? What if some guy who spends all his time picking up girls talks to the girl you were going to ask out? He’s already on academic probation. He doesn’t care about finals.
That girl who acts suspiciously like Regina George from “Mean Girls” and has no problem talking to guys isn’t thinking about finals either. So,how do you get the date AND the grades?
You’re gonna have to sneak homework into the date somehow. The trick is you can’t let the other person know that you’re doing homework because that would make him or her feel bad. And while you’re getting the study time, you also need to make sure that the person likes you.
So, here are 10 ways to sneak in homework on your date during finals week that are guaranteed to not alarm the other person.
- Take frequent bathroom breaks with your textbook.
- Nail a textbook to the wall behind your date. Change the subject every time he or she asks why you’re using binoculars.
- Bribe the adorable older couple behind your date and have them lift up flashcards, then cough the answers to the flashcards. (You’re an expert if you can do this for anatomy classes.)
- Netflix and chill? Watch the movie adaptation of the book you neglected to read.
- Discussion Questions = Conversation Pieces.
- Hide a calculator in your pocket and just say that you have to text your mother because she’s freaking out about finding pot in your little brother’s bedroom. You need to keep talking to her to calm her down.
- Ask the waiter before the date if they could ask for math help during the date. You can’t say no to the person who handles your food.
- Tell your date that you have to respond to your mother with an essay-length text. Then write your essay.
- Put formulas you were supposed to memorize on a napkin and leave it on your lap.
- And finally, if you don’t have a date, ask the smartest person in your class on a date and stealthily turn dinner into a study session, killing their nerdy dreams of romance.
(Disclaimer: All advice in this article is given by someone who hasn’t been on a real date in over a year and a half. The opinions in this article are solely based on his very uneducated assumption of what dating in college is actually like.)